Thankful

As I was reflecting yesterday (Thanksgiving) about all I have to be thankful for, the one thing I found myself most thankful for is probably the thing that people would expect me to be least thankful for. In fact, if you were to ask my better half (hubby) about this, he would probably highly disagree with my thankfulness for this one thing. But still . . . it is what I am SOOOOO thankful for.

Seven months ago, my incredibly talented and gifted husband was unexpectedly layed off from his job. He LOVED his job . . . the work, the team, the clients, everything! He was blessed to be working with other people who shared his beliefs, morals and values and he was doing work that mattered. He had a job that he loved going to and where he left at the end of the day feeling satisfied and content. His being let go came as a complete surprise.

What we thought would be a brief season of unemployment has stretched into a long one. Like I said previously, I don’t think he would necessarily agree with my thankfulness of this season in his life. It is not what either of us had planned and it has made life quite interesting . . . but I’ve loved it! Sure, it’s taken a lot of adjusting and flexibility figuring out to do life together daily and how to come up with a routine/rhythm that doesn’t make the other person crazy, but I think we’ve done okay.

I am thankful for day after day of waking up next to my husband. I am thankful that I get to come home to him still awake! (Prior to this season, he’d be asleep when I got home and gone before I’d wake up.) I am SO thankful that he was with us for my daughter’s first day of Kindergarten, for her harvest carnival, for her parent/teacher conference, and that he’s been able to volunteer in her classroom. I am SO thankful for how he engages our kid’s imaginations in fun adventures and playtimes where the ordinary becomes extraordinary! I am beyond thankful for the bond that both of my kids have with their Daddy that wouldn’t have been so strong had he been at work every day instead of with them.

I know the past 7 months have been hard and frustrating for him, but he has taken each day in stride. He has been fully present and engaged with each of us and has loved us and served us with his whole heart. I’m guessing most days he’d probably be at work rather than changing diapers or watching Frozen for the zillionth time . . . but he doesn’t complain. He embraces the craziness that comes with each day and makes the most of each moment.

This year, I am so thankful for the blessings that God has poured out on us through my amazing husband and the quality time we have gotten to spend with him. I know this season won’t last forever and I know we will never get these moments back, so today I am thankful. I am thankful for 7 months of extra time with Daddy, for 7 months of getting to talk face-to-face with my better-half, for 7 months filled with fun memories and time spent together.

Thank you Lord for provisions and for blessing our family with an incredible Man of God! Thank you for his servant’s heart, his character and integrity, his hard-work ethic and his deep deep love for each of us! Thank you for this blessing that wasn’t anything we would every ask for or want, but yet You have made it SO sweet and SO good! You truly are good, ALL THE TIME!

Five Minute Friday: Give

Sometimes in our lives we are put into close contact with people who make us a little crazy. They could be family, a friend, a co-worker, your kids, or a complete stranger. You know the people . . . the ones who get on your every last nerve, who stand a little too close, talk a little too loud, whine a little too much, or expect way too much of you. It's these people who are so hard to love. It's these people who when you see them, every part of you screams "RUN!".

But it is these people who we are called to GIVE grace to. It is these people we are called to GIVE love to. It is these people who we are called to GIVE a second chance to. This person, the one who makes you crazy, they are human too. They have feelings that get hurt, a heart that aches and longs for connection, a stomach that churns with anxiety. That person may be struggling with something we can never understand or fathom.

I've been reminded lately of the love that was so freely GIVEN to me by Jesus when He died on the cross. He GAVE His life for me. He GAVE me hope and a future. It is my job to GIVE to others, just as he GAVE to me! It is my job to GIVE understanding, to GIVE grace, to GIVE encouragement, to GIVE hope and acceptance. No matter how difficult a person may be or how hard it is to love them, we must GIVE all we have into showing them that they matter, that they are important, that Jesus died for them to.

Who is God calling you to GIVE love and grace to today? Who can you GIVE a second chance to this holiday season?

Five Minute Friday: Notice

When was the last time you really took time to NOTICE the things around you?

Did you notice the brilliant colors of the sunset? Did you notice the the tiny flower growing amidst the weeds? Did you notice the snow decorating the mountain peaks?

What about in your home? Did you notice the way your daughter copied your every  move? Did you notice the way your husband did the dishes with a servant's heart? Did you notice when your littlest one learned a new skill?

So often we get consumed with social media, with TV, movies and games that we miss the things around us. I'll be the first to admit that I spent way too much time staring at my phone and not nearly enough time staring at my amazing family that God has blessed me with. There are days where it is way easier to tune out and zone out then to pay attention to what is right in front of me.

In the Bible, Jesus tells us to NOTICE the lilies of the field. He urges us to look to the ants, to notice the mustard seed, to see the star shining bright in the night sky. He brings our attention to the small rudder that steers a giant ship. In order to see these things, we have to be aware & attentive. They are things that are small and seemingly insignificant yet contain great lessons to be learned if we'd truly stop and notice what is before us.

What is it that He is trying to draw your attention towards? What is He wanting you to NOTICE that may be right in front of you? Rather than focus on the big things, on the meaningless things, turn your focus towards HIM this week. NOTICE the way He is working and moving in your life. NOTICE the ways in which He has blessed you abundantly. NOTICE how much HE loves you by looking at the incredible people He has placed in your life.

Take time to NOTICE this week.

Five Minute Friday: Still

7 months later we are STILL waiting for a job for my hubby. We are still unsure of what God has up His sleeve for our family. The past 7 months have not looked at all like we planned. Somehow, in the midst of all the uncertainty and the unplanned, we've had peace.

"Be STILL and KNOW that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

He was faithful to His promises all the way back to Noah and Abraham and I still believe with all my heart that He will do the same today. Over the past 7 months He has provided for our every need and then some. He has blessed us with so many fun moments together and so many memories have been made as a result of the 4 of us being together. My kids have had their Daddy around almost every day and as a result, they have connected with him in ways that they otherwise wouldn't.

Not to say its always easy but we are learning to be still and wait for HIS timing...there are weeks that go by with no prospects, no e-mails, no interviews, no nothing...and yet we still know that He is in control. I know without a shadow of a doubt that HE has a plan for our family and that He has a great job out there for my incredible husband. I know this time together is a gift, a blessing in disguise. 

So even though we are STILL waiting, we are able to be STILL and rest in the assurance that HE IS GOD.

Five Minute Friday: Turn

"Is it my turn yet?"

"But he already had a turn!!"

"Please share and take turns."

Welcome to the world of siblings and just kids in general! Everyone wants a turn to be first, a turn to play with the newest and greatest toy, a turn to say the prayer, a turn to help Mom at the store, a turn to pick a movie, etc. When you're a kid, the world is all about YOU. Heaven forbid you should have to wait your turn or wait to get chosen . . . and so the tears ensue or the tantrum begins. These are to be expected with kids.

But what about grown-ups? When's the last time you just wanted to sit down and cry because it was supposed to be your turn for good news? Have you ever just wanted to throw yourself to the ground and kick your feet and flail your arms because it was supposed to be your turn for a job, your turn to have a baby, your turn to sleep in, your turn to have a night off, your turn to choose where you wanted to go for dinner, etc.?! As grown-ups we're supposed to be creatures who can think logically, reason, and wait our turn. But sometimes its hard. Its hard to watch everyone else get their turn around you while you are still left waiting. It's hard to watch others find success after success while you feel like the only think you're good at finding is failure.

Taking turns is hard, even as grown-ups. But it's part of life. And so we must learn to wait . . . wait our turn, wait for our moment in the spotlight, wait for our fate to change. And in turn, it will . . . we won't stay stuck forever. Eventually our turn will come and we will get a chance to shine, to succeed, to feel like a million bucks! 

Five Minute Friday: Leave

Leaving is hard. Leaving home. Leaving a job. Leaving friends. Leaving your hometown town. Leaving a loved one. Leaving dreams. Leaving plans. Leaving in general . . . it sucks.

Often times it seems that leaving means letting go of the familiar, leaving behind what is safe and known, and venturing into the unknown. Two particular instances of leaving come to mind when I think back. The first, a person. I had met an amazing man and we were several months into dating when I was scheduled to lead a team to Africa for 4 weeks. Up  until that trip, we spent time together several times each week, talked on the phone daily, and just couldn't get enough of each other. The day I left for that trip, I knew that he was the one I wanted to spend forever with. And so I left . . . leaving behind this man that I had come to love and venturing off into so many unknowns. We had no clue what we'd be doing, what it would be like where we were staying, etc. I had to leave behind the one who I felt so safe and secure with and dare to trust in God's timing and His plan as we ventured into this place of so many unknowns. It ended up being a hard trip for me, but still a good trip. I learned so much about God's faithfulness and His perfect plan and couldn't wait to bring home all that I had learned and experienced. On that trip, I decided that I never wanted to travel overseas without him again. Never wanted to leave him here while I went there. 9 years later, I still feel the same way!

The second, a job. It was a job that I loved, one that was definitely a God thing in how it came to be. I had come to love the people, the team, the location, almost everything about it . . . and yet I felt God calling me to leave. Pieces of the puzzle kept adding up and it was clear that my time there was done. Leaving that place, that job, was one of the hardest things I had done. When I gave my notice I wasn't really sure what I would do next but knew that God would provide. After taking that step of faith, after leaving that place I loved so much, God opened doors for the next place. He ushered me into a job that I now LOVE and where I am able to use the gifts and talents He has given me on a daily basis. I've met some of my favorite people at my current job and consider a few of them to be some of my dearest friends.

Leaving is hard. Leaving involves letting go of what is safe and familiar and choosing to trust that God is there, even when we have no clue what comes next. He may call us to leave one place and it may make no sense at all and may be the scariest thing we've ever done, but He promises to go with us. He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us.

Lockdown

Yesterday as I was waiting to pick up my daughter from school I heard over the loud-speaker, "teachers, we are now beginning our lock-down drill. Please follow protocol." What a crazy and sad world we live in that our kids now have lock-down drills in addition to fire drills and earthquake drills. I couldn't help but pray over my kid's school and their teachers/staff and pray protection over all of them.

When I asked my daughter about her day, she told me that had a drill where they had to get under a desk and then hide behind a chair to protect themselves. She told me that if someone bad came to their school they were supposed to close the curtains and hide. I hate that this is now a part of her world. When did our world become so topsy-turvy? When did people stop using coping skills and seeking help and instead turn to guns and violence and going after innocent people?

It would be so easy as a parent to pull her from school, to keep her at home & shelter her from all possible danger! I see the allure of home-schooling, of keeping her close and filtering all she is exposed to. (Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with home-schooling, I just know it is not the best option for our family.) I work in an Emergency Department for kids. I see too many crazy-sad stories to be ignorant. Kids get shot, kids get hurt thanks to poor choices from the grown-ups around them. They make poor choices themselves and are sometimes never the same after a simple crash on their bike or scooter. Some of these kids, they even die. In my 6 years in the ED, I think I've seen a little bit of everything.

It would be SO easy to live my life in fear and to not let my kids out of my sight. It would be so much easier to keep them with me, to trust no-one and to hover over their every move. But I can't. These amazing kids I have, they're not mine. They have been entrusted to me and to my husband. God has handed us these precious gifts, wrapped up in flesh and full of laughter. He has entrusted them to us. He has trusted us to guide them, to raise them, to teach them of His truth, to do the best we can to show them HIS love every single day.

With both of our kids, we chose to have them dedicated before they ever turned 1. By having them dedicated we were publicly telling those around us that we were committed to raising them in God's Word and to doing all we could to guide them in His truths. We gave them back to God as was done with Samuel in the Bible. We committed our children to God, to His care, to His plan, to His will for them. And we committed to walk with Christ as to set an example for them to follow.

As scary as this world can be and as much as I hate all the things she has to learn about "bad guys" and "danger" and "disaster",  I believe with all my heart that God is with her. I believe with all my heart that He is with her each day, that He goes before her and guides her every step. And so I choose to trust Him. I trust that He loves her even more than I can ever fathom and that He has big plans for her. And so each day, I send her through the gates and into school and I linger there just a little longer until I can see that she is off and running. And each day I eagerly wait to see her smiling face, to hear about her day, and to shower her with love and affirmation of what an incredible kid she is turning out to be! Go get em kid!

Five Minute Friday: Dare

I think sometimes it is a scary thing to dream, to plan, to envision what comes next. So many of us have been let down or have had dreams shattered or plans crushed in the past so we don't bother to dream big for fear of being disappointed. But if we aren't willing to think ahead, to dream of the best, or to really get excited for what could come next, we are left merely existing from day to day, living mundane and safe lives. When is the last time you DARED to live on the edge? DARED to let go of what is safe and comfortable?

But what would happen if we truly DARED to dream big, to live  big, to shoot for the moon?! I believe with all my heart that God has BIG plans for each of us, plans that surpass what we could even dream or imagine. He promises in His Word that He has "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". If we believe those things to be true and if we truly believe God will do what He promises, then we need to start dreaming, start believing, start DARING to give all we've got to what He may have in store for us.

As kids we tend to trust anyone and everyone, but especially our Dads. We climb up to the highest point we can find and then leap off with full confidence that he will catch us. My kids don't yet know the meaning of "impossible". They don't realize that people will let them down or that they may get hurt when trying new things. For my kids, the sky is the limit! They are DARING and BRAVE and they completely trust that we will catch them when they jump or that we will rescue them if they get stuck. I want to live like that, with full abandon and full confidence in my heavenly Father, knowing that HE will catch  me if I take a leap of faith and if that leap fails, He will rescue me from whatever I have gotten myself into.

I DARE YOU . . . trust Him. Dream big. Live life fully present and fully engaged. Step out in faith, even if it is scary and uncertain. He is faithful and His word is true . . . He's got big plans for you. Today I accept the dare. I choose to believe that God is good and that He has big plans for me. Ready or not, I'm ready to leap!

Blessings

I was texting (yes, we were texting instead of talking) with a dear friend last night and we were both "talking" about how our lives aren't at all what we thought they'd look like at the moment but in spite of all the chaos and craziness and uncertainty, life is still really good! 

On Thursday my hubby got a phone call from the Oncologist who did his surgery earlier in the week, asking him to come in for a new appointment the following day (instead of a week from then). We both wondered why the new appointment . . . was it because they got pathology results? Did they have bad news? Was it just because of our trip to the Emergency Dept on Wednesday? We had no clue. So we wondered and we prayed, unsure of what that appointment would hold. 

As my hubby soon found out, the appointment was to tell him his pathology results. The tests all came back negative! They were able to remove the melanoma from the one spot and none of the lymph nodes tested positive. Hubby is officially cancer free. We wouldn't wish the uncertainty of the past few weeks on anyone and yet, we wouldn't trade the experience and what it taught us and how it brought us together. How often we pray for things to go one way and they go the complete opposite! 

I feel like God speaks to me so often through music. Music hits the core of my being and the truth of certain lyrics resonate so deeply in my heart and mind. When Laura Story's song, Blessings, came out, I remember being dumb-founded as I listened the the words. "What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy. What if the trials of this life: the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?" We pray for things to go one way, we pray for God to bless us and our families, we pray for great days, for good jobs, for fun memories . . . and sometimes we get none of those things. But it is in those times of seeking, of asking, of praying, of crying, of shouting, of wondering if anyone really cares, when we find God and His incredible arms of love . . . just waiting to envelop us in His embrace and hold us close. So here's the rest of the song:

Blessings

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Five Minute Friday: Long

Long . . . this is a word that often accompanies my search for clothing. Another word synonymous with "long" is "tall". Welcome to the world of a tall girl! Maybe I didn't used to care or maybe I grew, or maybe I just didn't have any other options way back when, but LONG is necessity when it comes to buying pants, swimsuits and sometimes even shirts.

Whoever finally came up with the idea to make clothing in long lengths was brilliant! This 6'0" girl no longer has to wear high waters or layer tanks under shirts in an effort to be modest. I know this is really silly to write about but it is what came to mind. I am thankful for "long" and "tall" lengths! I know my short friends feel the same way when it comes to "short" and "petite" sizes. I'm so glad they make a little bit of everything for a little bit of everyone!

So here's to the tall girls, the girls who need the word "long" to be a part of their search for clothing! It's out there, just gotta find the right fit and the right store!

Grateful

Our family has had quite the week this week and it's only Thursday. On Tuesday my amazing and wonderful hubby had surgery to remove melanoma from his arm. As we waited and waited that day to get checked in, to be seen, to talk to the Dr., to go to surgery, to recover, to go home...we kept looking at each other and talking about how we were so grateful that Someone bigger than us was in charge of it all. We were grateful that we could place our nervousness, our fears, our uncertainty into the hands of the One who already knows the ending. Sure, we would have rather not been there at all, but it could have been worse. Surgery came and went and we were sent home with  my hubby rocking 3 scars more than before. 

Last night we ended up at the Emergency Dept. due to sudden swelling and redness...not where either of us wanted to be. But God is good in the midst of the unknown and we were once again left grateful for friends/coworkers who worked so hard to get us seen, for an on-call Dr. who sent his team to see us while standing in the parking lot waiting to be triaged, for a prescription and not ever needing to actually be a patient which meant no $100 co-pay, and for $5 prescriptions on-site, and for dinner together after a long day of not-eating. We could have been there for HOURS...there were 40+ patients waiting to be seen. We made it home and back in 4 hours (including picking up prescription, dinner, a quick stop at Target and lots of road work/traffic). 

Through both of our adventures this week, God has been faithful! (as He always is) We are so grateful God has placed my family nearby who has gone above and beyond this week to care for our kids so that I could be with my hubby. They have loved them deeply (as always) and have prayed faithfully through it all. We have SO very much to be grateful for! For my run today, I opted to listen to one of my favorite singers, Nichole Nordeman. She's not my typical pick for music to run to but I just felt like I needed to use my time for good. One of my favorite songs came on and yet again I was reminded of just how much we have to be grateful for. Sure, it'd be great to not have gone through any of this scary stuff but HE is good and HE is faithful and HE knows best. Here's the song: 

Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?

'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again

And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?

Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down

Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude

For lessons learned in how to thirst for You

How to bless the very sun that warms our face

If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread

Bless our bodies, keep our children fed

Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up and warm us through

Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs

Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time

Or maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude

A lesson learned to hunger after You

That a starry sky offers a better view

If no roof is overhead

And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between

Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace

Move our hearts to hear a single beat

Between alibis and enemies tonight

Or maybe not, not today

Peace might be another world away

And if that's the case

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude

For lessons learned in how to trust in You

That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream

In abundance or in need

And if You never grant us peace

But, Jesus, would You please

Five Minute Friday: Care

Each Wednesday I get to volunteer in my daughter's Kindergarten classroom. Some weeks I get to help at centers and help the kids with their papers they are working on and other weeks I make copies the whole time. The weeks where I get to help with centers, I love getting to interact with the kids and see what they are working on and then to help or encourage them with their assignments.

Almost every day in their class, at least 1 child will get moved up to purple on their behavior chart . . . purple means you had a great did, did all your work, listened, sat still, helped others, etc. If you get to purple, you get to pick from the treasure chest. This is a big deal to these kids. Most weeks when I help, the teacher will ask me at the end of the day (with all the kids listening) who I saw working hard. Whoever I say, usually gets moved up to purple and then gets to pick from the treasure chest.

I always try to look for the kids who may get overlooked or who are known to be trouble. Usually its the same few kids who are quiet, doing their work, etc. 2 weeks ago, one of the little girls (who has a very hard time sitting quietly and who often does messy work) whispered in my ear, "Sra. Howard, when the teacher asks who was working hard today and who did a good job, you tell her 'Mia did'. Okay?" I reminded her that I could only do that if she worked hard, did her best, and sat quietly. I sat with Mia that morning and helped her with her assignment...her letter "P" was messy, she didn't do her best, and she kept talking. I encouraged her to try again and do her best.

I didn't choose Mia that day. She wasn't working hard or trying her best. But I did make sure to encourage her, to spend that extra time with her, to let her know that I cared. My goal when I'm in the classroom helping is to let the kids know that I care, that they are special, that I notice their hard work or their pretty coloring. I try to walk around to each table and speak love and encouragement into these kids with a "nice work", "great job", "thank you for working quietly", etc. Each kid in that class needs to know that they matter, that someone cares for them, that someone notices what they are doing.

Sometimes I forget that my own kids, my spouse, my co-workers also need to know that I care, that they matter and that they are important to me. When is the last time I spoke truth and encouragement into their lives or did something small to show them I care?

Five Minute Friday: New

2 weeks ago I picked up my daughter from school and she quickly told me, "Today was the worst day ever! I don't want to go to school tomorrow!" This coming from my happy-go-lucky, school-loving kid was quite a surprise. As I asked questions and tried to figure out where it was coming from she told me she had forgotten a few of her sight words, she didn't get to pick from the treasure chest, and she had lost her hair bow. In her world, this sequence of events was catastrophic and got the best of her.

As we drove home from school that day we talked about the verse in the Bible about God's mercies being NEW every morning. I explained to her that just because today was a bad day, didn't mean tomorrow would be bad. Tomorrow is a NEW day! Tomorrow we get a chance to start over again, to start fresh, to do things differently. She wasn't convinced, but thankfully the next day she forgot about her horrible day and was ready for a NEW day!

How often in life do we do the same . . .we have a bad day, a bad week, a series of unfortunate and unforeseen events are thrown our way and we are convinced that nothing good will come of it, that life as we know it is over. And yet, God promises us that His mercies are NEW every morning. He was present in the disappointments of yesterday and promises us NEW chances tomorrow.

I'm so thankful for NEW mercies and NEW starts each day. God only knows how many times I've gotten disappointed, I've felt like a failure, I've faced things that I thought were the end of the world, I've thrown mercy and grace out the window. . . and somehow I get another chance tomorrow. Tomorrow is a NEW day! Regardless of what happened today, what didn't go my way, what scary news we received . . . tomorrow we get another chance!

So here's to NEW days, NEW beginnings, NEW mercies and second chances!

He Really Does Speak

I've never been one to "hear" from God and couldn't tell you what God "said" to me or is trying to "speak" to me. I'm not good at hearing Him whisper or even roar...maybe I'm Spiritually deaf...or maybe I just don't stop long enough to listen and be still. Or maybe I am spiritually deaf because of the latter.

It's been a roller-coaster few weeks in our house lately and for the most part, it's easy for me to trust. When it comes to taking spiritual gifts tests, mine always comes back high in "faith". If God says He has a plan, than I believe it. If He says He'll meet our needs, I don't usually doubt it. It's easy for me not to worry because I have faith that God is in it and has gone before whatever it is.

This morning I let myself doubt and let myself get worried...but thankfully I was smart enough to stop and pull out my journal in attempt to process and pray. As I sat down to journal a verse came to mind.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
-Jeremiah 33:3

As I read down a little farther I noticed another verse:

"Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." -Jeremiah 33:6

Was this God reassuring me? What is it Him reminding me of His promises? It sure fit with what was on my mind and heart today...As I finished journaling/praying another verse came to mind:

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." -Isaiah 26:3

Yet again, what I needed....peace.

I know He's "spoken" to me before but not like this. Maybe I should stop and be still more often!

The Seven Experiment: Media

This week entailed a quasi-fast from media. I told myself I could check Facebook once a day, but not when my kids were awake, and not on my phone. I also told myself that I wouldn't use my phone for anything but necessary texts...that meant no Instagram, no Zulily, no Pinterest, etc. I could've fasted from FB all together, but I didn't.

This week confirmed what I already knew to be true: I waste way too much time looking at my phone. When my kids are crazy or I'm feeling overwhelmed, I choose to ignore real life and turn my attention to my phone instead. My phone allows me to escape reality and delve into a world of way too much unnecessary information. My phone causes me not to be present with my kids, my husband, my friends, my life. When I am bored, I look at FB and IG. When I'm feeling lonely or bored, I send random texts in hopes of "engaging" with someone.

I could've chosen to fast from TV this week but the reality is that we don't watch much of it anyway and sometimes we all just need to veg. My kids watch maybe an hour a day and it mostly serves as background noise while they play. My husband and I watch maybe 2-3 hours a week total and it's the way to unwind and spend time together at the end of a long day. I'm okay with our consumption of TV. We don't have cable so we get to monitor what the kids are watching via Netflix, PBS kids, or Hulu.

Something I realized this week is that what I enjoy most about social media are the pictures. I really don't care what you ate for dinner, who you're mad at, what your co-worker said, etc. I didn't miss the drama, the passive-agressive attacks at whoever hurt you or made you mad. Since when did it become okay to act like 13 year old girls when we are indeed grown-ups? Since when did it become okay to air your dirty laundry to the world? I didn't miss the ads, the deals of the day, the recipe of the day, etc.

What I did miss was seeing my friend's cute kids, seeing pictures of adventures and milestones. I guess what I enjoy most about social media is the sense of connections (even if it is a bit false). It's so fun to celebrate major events or laugh at something funny your kid said or did. I guess it may time to sort through the lists of ads and outside sources that show up in my feed. Time to pair down that list of "friends" who don't build me up or don't encourage me to be a better person.

After this week, I do hope to be more intentional about steering clear of my phone when others are around...especially my kids. I don't want to ignore my kids. I don't want to avoid confrontation or discipline by burrying my head in my phone. Rather than ignore reality and not be present, I need to keep my phone plugged in to it's charger, in the other room, away from my family...someplace I'm not tempted to zone out and avoid them. It sounds horrible as I type this, but it is sadly so true. Rather than cope with life and frustration or boredom, I turn to my phone to entertain me or distract me. Guilty. This Mama has a long way to go when it comes to being present and dealing with reality.

The Seven Experiment: Posessions

"Show me how you spend your money, I'll show you what you really love."

"If we mistakenly spend the majority of this short life on earth earning more, buying bigger, possessing nicer, and chasing better, then at the end we have this: a mostly wasted life."

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

During our week of focusing on possessions, I had decided to pick one room a day and get rid of at least 7-10 items from that room. I wasn't quite as calculated as I had hoped, but I definitely got rid of LOTS of stuff. 1/2 of our garage is now FULL of things to sell at a yard-sale. It is full of stuff that we don't need, don't use, don't want, etc. As I sorted through various rooms in our house I realized how much useless stuff we have....how many things we moved into this house 4 years ago and have never even touched or used. It made me kinda sick to think about our excess.

Is it wrong to have posessions and things? NO. Is it wrong to waste money and not live within our means? YES. If we had to move and down-size today, we would still have plenty of stuff to get rid of. In reality, we could live without so much and need so little to live from day-to-day.

I am guilty. If the top statement is true, than I really love Amazon.com, OldNavy.com, Ralphs, and Target. I think I need certain things when in reality, I have plenty already. I go in for 1 thing and come out with 12 things I didn't need and that weren't on my list. YUCK! I am in impulse buyer...especially if it something under $20. No good at all.

I need to shift my focus to things that have eternal value and let go of those that don't. I want my treasure to be in things that are worthwhile...things that truly matter.

Five Minute Friday: Because

BECAUSE I said so. BECAUSE I don't want to. BECAUSE I said no. BECAUSE I'm a grown up. BECAUSE life's not fair. BECAUSE....

It seems like the word "because" is a word that justifies. If we use the word "because" it means that whatever follows it is justified and fair game to say. "Because" is an excuse word around our house and in my  mind, I use it often to justify less than stellar behavior or thoughts or attitudes.

But really, the best use of the word I can think of is, "BECAUSE God is love". 1 John 4:7-10 says, "My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God."

Because God is love, it shouldn't matter if I said so or not. Because God is love, I should be compelled to do good...even if I don't want to. Because God is love, I should take the time to explain why the answer is no. Because God is love, I shouldn't expect life to be fair...after all, it wasn't fair that HE had to die for me...but He did. Because God is love, I ought to love others.

BECAUSE shouldn't be a justifying word or an excuse word, it should be a compelling word, a cause and effect-type word. Because God is love, we should be driven to show the world His love. I should be driven to show my kids His love. I should be compelled to show my husband that same love.

Five Minute Friday: Hold

At summer camp we used to sing a song that said, "Hold fast! (hold fast) Hold Fast! (hold fast) to the hope we confess without wavering (no wavering), without wavering (no wavering). For He who promised is faithful and true (2 scoops, shooby doo)." It was a silly song with all the extra (echoing) throughout but the truth remains to this day. We must HOLD FAST to the hope confess without wavering for He did promise and He is faithful and true to His Word.

I'm reminded of this truth this week as some of our best friends have been experiencing some very uncertain and scary unknowns when it comes to physical health. The doctors don't have answers yet and they are left waiting...living at the hospital until test results come back and conclusions are met. What is one to do in a time like that? What is one to do when your world has been turned upside down and everything that was once certain is now unknown? All you can do is HOLD ON...hold on to each other, hold on to the promises you know to be true from God's Word, and hold on to the hope and reassurance that in it all, God is faithful and will keep His promises.

This truth of holding fast has been woven into our lives over the past few months. We are on month 5 of no job for my better half and yet, we HOLD ON. We hold on to the fact that God has a plan for us. We hold on to the reassurance that He has provided for us and will continue to do so. We hold on to hope...hope in the future, hope in a great job, hope in what comes next. We truly believe that God is faithful so we HOLD ON and wait.

When it seems like there's nothing left or we are at the end of our rope, all we can do is HOLD FAST and HOLD ON for dear life, trusting in the One who is WAY bigger than us and who knows best!

Five Minute Friday: Ready

Each morning, my alarm goes off at 6:45. I'm never ready. I hit snooze and then it goes off again 9 minutes later. Usually the snooze option is utilized at least twice each morning, sometimes 3 times. Eventually though, reality sinks in and I know that I must get up and get moving if I am going to get everyone fed, dressed and ready to be out the door by 7:55.

Once I'm ready, then I move onto my kids. I get breakfast going and then keep bugging them to eat and not talk, play, etc. Then it's on to nagging my daughter to "get dressed", "find your shoes", "bring me your brush", "go pick out a bow", etc. Miraculously, we make it out the door each morning and everyone manages to be ready for the day!

It seems an alarm is my cue to be ready throughout the day. When we run, we follow a plan that entails an alarm beeping and telling us "time to run" or "time to walk" or "5 minute cool-down". Man how I dread and loathe that alarm that tells me to be ready to run...especially when it's a longer distance than we've previously run.

I feel as though recently, God has used a book to be an "alarm" of sorts to ready me for the changes He wants to bring about in my life. It hasn't been an audible alarm but a nudging, a stirring, a drive of sorts to get me to move and be ready to grow and change the way we've been doing things. So, alarm or not...I am ready. I'm ready to grow, to change, to move forward, to do life differently from here on out.

The SEVEN Experiment: Clothes

This week begins week 3 of The SEVEN Experiment and the focus this week is on clothes. I haven't gotten to the Biblestudy part of it but have already begun looking at what I have and am sick at how much excess is in my closet and my drawers. The past few weeks have been filled with purging and it makes me pretty sad how wasteful I am and how much I have that I don't use and don't even need. 

In this picture are the clothes I am getting RID of! I've gone through my closet and drawers and have pulled out the things I no longer wear and the things that no longer fit and the things I no longer even like! This pile of clothes does not include 2 big bags of clothes that I already gave away to a friend of mine. This get-rid-of pile is bigger than some people's entire wardrobe. YUCK!

 

I originally hadn't planned on going through my shoes, but once I started putting things away I realized how many pairs of shoes, sandals, boots, etc. that I NEVER wear and haven't worn in years. Why in the world do I hold on to these things that I don't love and don't use? The sad  part is that my closet is still FULL of shoes! 

The boxes below are the boxes that hold all of the clothes and shoes that I cleared out. The picture doesn't do them justice but they are BIG! What in the world?!

 This week for our Biblestudy I am choosing to only wear 7 things for the week. I have 2 tanktops, 1 t-shirt, a running outfit (counting as 1), a cardigan, a pair of black pants for work and a pair of jean shorts. (originally I chose a pair of jeans but quickly changed my  mind when the temps were over 100 this morning) I chose 3 pairs of shoes...1 for work, 1 for running, and 1 for everywhere else.

 It's only day 1 of our week of focusing on excess in the area of clothing and already I am feeling convicted. I am very curious as to what God has in store for me this week and how He'll teach me. I'm ready to learn!

The SEVEN Experiment: Food

I was gifted an incredible book for my birthday called "The 7 Experiment". In the book, Jen  Hatmaker focuses on 7 areas in her life where she felt like she was living in excess. Each month for 7 months she focused on a different area and fasted or gave up things in order to make room for God. I loved the book and couldn't help but share with others and as a result, I've somehow found myself "leading" a group of 15 women through the workbook that goes along with the book.

We are one week 2 of the Biblestudy and God is speaking big time! This week we've been focusing on food and the goal was to live without something for the week. This week I chose to eat only black beans, rice, chicken, fruits & veggies and drink only water. The 1st few days were pretty tough and I found myself missing my morning coffee or grab-n-go snacks but 5 days in I'm feeling pretty good. God has taught me a lot this week about what it really means to be a temple of the Holy Spirit.

I grew up knowing and hearing that our bodies are a temple of a Holy Spirit but the only time I ever really heard it discussed was when people would talk about tattoos or piercings. Before Jesus died, there was an actual physical temple with rules and regulations...it was the Holiest of Holies...but after He died, the curtain was torn in two and we became His temple. Me, my body, is His temple. That means my body is Holy and sacred and the dwelling place of the Spirit. I try to run and get exercise so I can be healthy and run races where I get to take home fun medals...but never with the intention of strengthening my body so I would be better fit to be a temple of the Holy Spirit. I eat mindlessly, grabbing whatever is fast or convenient or whatever will satisfy my sweet tooth. What I put into my body matters just as much as anything else.

I had never really connected God and food other than to pray before a meal and thank Him for it. This week my eyes have been open to what I put into my body. Am I filling my body with things that are nutritious and beneficial for health? Am I filling my body with toxic substances that do more harm than good in the long run? And what about my kids and what I give them to eat? I'm pretty sure chicken nuggets, corn dogs, hot dogs, quesadillas, burritos, & mac n cheese do not constitute "health" choices for my kids!

So now I am left to ponder and pray about what changes need to be made when it comes to the food that I choose to eat and the food I choose to feed my family. Will I drink coffee & soda again after this week? Probably. Will I eat junk again? Yes....but in moderation. It's time I put more effort and work into cooking and preparing healthy choices for all of us in order to properly care for the body God has given me!

And this is only the beginning of this experiment...next week I get to see if I can live life wearing only 7 things for the week...I'm ready to be stretched and I'm ready to see God move!!!

Five Minute Friday: Change

What an appropriate topic for this season of our life!

The last few months have been filled with change for this family...husband lost his job, I started working almost full-time, big kid started Kindergarten, we started running again, and life is just so different...but sometimes change can be so good! I tend to get stuck in a rut pretty easily...I eat the same few things, I drive the same roads/routes, etc... I become pretty apathetic when life is so mundane and familiar.

All the change in our lives, especially over the last few weeks, has actually been really good for this Mama. I am finding that if I actually schedule (very loosely) my days, things get done! I'm finding that I actually like have a routine/rhythm to our life! When change makes it's way into my life, it's invigorating almost...something new, something different, something exciting! Maybe I need to change things up more often...add some spice to our pretty tame life!

Kindergarten

How in the world did my baby girl become a Kindergartener?! 

Last week we took a family road trip to visit where Jaye and I went to college! On Fridays at Hope's school they have "college shirt day" where they get to take a break from their uniforms and wear a college shirt. We thought it'd be fun to let her pick a shirt from each of our schools and also to tour her around a bit! At both schools we found ponds with turtles and my little turtle lover was in heaven! (I think that was her favorite part of the whole day...seeing turtles)

 I had never really been on the campus of Cal Poly Pomona so I really enjoyed getting to tour it with Jaye! My amazing husband went there for almost 9 years...at times only take 1 class a year in order to stay enrolled until he could afford to attend more. He is one of the hardest working men I know! It was so fun to have him point out where he went to school and then we took the picture below in front of the art gallery where Jaye was able to show a lot of his work! I love seeing how God has shaped him from then til now!

 After much prayer and many meetings at various schools, we felt God opened doors for Hope to attend a Dual Immersion school. Her school itself isn't in the greatest part of town but we loved the staff, the campus, and that they had dual immersion. In Kindergarten, 90% of the day is taught only in Spanish. Hope's teacher, Sra. Mendoza doesn't ever speak in English to the kids...only Spanish. They bring another teacher to teach the 10% in English. So far, the Spanish hasn't seemed to bother her and we've encouraged her to listen with her ears and watch carefully with her eyes as her teacher will point things out or illustrate what she is saying.

 Saturday night before school started, this Mama had a bit of a meltdown. The reality of Kindergarten sunk in and my heart was so sad. As I sat there crying, trying to figure out why I was so sad, I realized that I had spent almost every day of the last 5 1/2 years with my sweet girl. She was the one who woke me up each morning and who I spent my days with. We'd go running together, play at the park, go to Biblestudy, meet up with friends, and just relax together. I spent more time with her than anyone else! I process by journaling/writing  so I decided I'd write Hope a letter (that she'd someday get). As I wrote out my heart on paper, I remembered that she truly isn't mine to begin with. My Savior, her Creator, entrusted her to her Daddy and I and it was our job to teach her and love her and lead her. I felt like God was telling me, "Carissa, surrender her to me. Let her go." And so...I did. I prayed and committed her once again into the hands of our Maker and chose to trust that HE had good plans for her and that HE would protect her. Aside from praying for her protection, I asked God to give her a good friend at school. I fell asleep that night with tears in my eyes but hearing in my heart, "BE STILL". 

Sunday morning when we went to church we saw Hope's friend Marley. We had met Marley back in May after attending an info meeting at Hope's school. Marley's Mom had told us that her daughter was going to be at the same school but they were placed in the PM class. I hadn't talked to them since that Sunday back in May. This past Sunday when we pulled up, Marley's Mom told me that Marley got moved to the morning Kindergarten class and that she and Hope would be in the same class together. It was as if God was whispering, "See, I got this." Peace immediately took over the fear and sadness that was in my heart. The picture below is Hope and Marley on their 1st day of school together! God is so good to this Mama!

 Jaye has been out of work since May and we pray daily for God to provide a job for him and for God to lead him to what comes next. So far, nothing. He had a temp job for a week and was blessed with another freelance thing, but no permanent job. While it would be really nice for him to have a job and to get back on our feet again financially, God has been so faithful in providing for us. Somehow our bank account hasn't hit zero and even an unexpected broken air conditioning was more than 1/2 covered by the freelance job. God has met our every need and then some. One thing I have come to see is that in Jaye's 3.5 months of being out of work, he's gotten to spend almost every day pouring into our kids. If there could be a "good" timing for getting laid off, it was now. He got to enjoy Hope's last few months of being at home and got to love on her and play with her and dream with her....and he got to be there to take her to her first day of school with me! I love that we've had these moments and memories together and I can't wait to see what God has in store for my incredible husband!

 Day 1 of school was a success and she was excited to go back for day 2! I love that they wear uniforms...makes life so much easier in the mornings...and she looks so stinkin CUTE in them! So, here's to a great year! A year of change and new beginnings and of really fun adventures and journeys!

Blur

The past 6 weeks have been a blur! (at least I think its been 6 weeks) The hubby was let go from an amazing job and company completely out of the blue. He thought he had a great lead and pursued that the 1st two weeks of being unemployed and was left high and dry...they led him on and then let him down. Applications have been submitted, website has been created, and resume updated and here we are...6 weeks later and still waiting.

In the meantime I've been working full-time for the past 6 weeks or so and will continue to do so for at least the next 5 weeks or until he finds a job. Working full-time AND being a Mommy is exhausting. There is no sense of "normal" to our mornings, our days, our weeks, and now our months. We've never been a real scheduled type of family but we definitely had some rhythm to our days...that's been gone for 6 weeks. I find myself overwhelmed with the disaster of our house, the piles of clothes and mail, and just STUFF that has landed EVERYWHERE!!!

I am toast. Hope's last day of preschool was today and she graduates on Friday. Next Sunday she gets baptized and all the days between now and then are planned/booked/full. I want to plan playdates and get togethers  before school starts in August and my weeks already seem way too full!  Life needs to get back to "normal" and SLOW DOWN already!!

I am ready for routine again. For predictability to my days and weeks...for habits to be re-found and re-started and sanity to return. In the mean-time, I feel a bit like I'm drowning in the day to day. I sure hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel really really soon!!! Praying a job for the hubby starts July 1st!

Sick

It's been 10 days now since my sweet girl came home sick from school. It's been 6 days since we started amoxicillin, 5 days since we started eye drops for pink eye, 4 days since I got to go back to work after a week off, 3 days since she fell asleep in the car twice in one day, 2 days since she actually ate dinner for the first time since she came home sick, and 1 day since she ate 3 meals in one day.

It has been a very very long 10 days.

I've had 2 people in the past 2 days tell me how frail she looks. . . that she looks like she lost weight. My poor sweet girl. As a Mom you can't help but worry and wonder if there's something more going on, something you can't see. But then I am reminded that the Creator of the whole entire universe created my girl and HE knows her best and has created her inmost being. HE is with her and HE is sustaining her. We've had 3 mornings now of a happy and cheerful girl and 2 of those days called for a long nap in the afternoon. Her little body is exhausted and tired and weak and is trying so hard to recover.

I know there are friends and so many people out there who have kids WAY sicker than mine and who can't make theirs well with a round of medicine or week off of school/work . . . makes my 10 days seem so small and insignificant. But they're not. In our house, in our family, these past 10 days have been worrisome and sad and this Mama has felt pretty helpless as there's nothing I could do but wait for her to feel better.

So today I celebrate a great morning and a cheerful girl and pray that the day continues to go in this direction!

Five Minute Friday: Mess

Mess.

This word probably describes my home 357 days of the year. The 8 days it doesn't, that's probably because it was a holiday or birthday and we had people over.

I will be the first to admit that keeping house is not one of my strong-points, gifts, passions, or cares even! Do I love living in a mess? Not really. Then why is my house a mess? My house is usually a mess because being with my kids or spending time as a family is more important to me than a clean house. There's numerous quotes out there that say something about "Pardon the mess, we're busy making memories". . . or something to that tune and it rings true for this family. The mess will be there tomorrow, but we don't get another shot at today, ever.

Albert Einstein described "insanity" as: "doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for different results". This is how I feel about trying to get the mess picked up. The toys are going to get strewn across the house as again, the dishes will pile up as so on as the counter is cleared, the clothes will need washing again at the end of the day. Am I saying I don't do anything? No. I just don't stress about the mess that is often times my house and even my life some days.

I'd rather sit and read with my little ones or take them on an adventure than worry about the mess. Yes, I do eventually get to the point where the disaster makes me a bit crazy so then we clean, put everything away, and enjoy the serenity of order and neatness . . . for the few days that it seems to last. Those that know me well have been in my disaster and they love me none the less and it is for those friends I am so grateful and thankful for . . . the ones who come and clear a spot of floor or couch and just hang out and be.

Five Minute Friday: Friend

Friend. My mind immediately goes to a few people who I treasure and value...a few people who epitomize the word "friend" in my life.

I am so thankful for those few people, those few girls, who know me so well and yet love me. They are those who get me...they get that I'm not a people-person, that I don't love crowds, that I could care less about what others think. The few that come to mind are people who I feel like I could spend all day every day with and never get sick of them. It wouldn't matter if we had tons to say or nothing to say at all, just being together would be enough. These friends are the ones who get the 1st text asking for prayer when something happens or the text that just says " I am so over this day". I think I could count these girls on 1 hand and I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't need armies of people that I know, I just need a few girls who know me well.

The ironic thing is that none of these people are people who I see daily, weekly, or even monthly. Some of them I only get to see once a year....but it doesn't matter. They are my front row, they are the few I have chosen to be real with and to let in and I wouldn't trade them for anything! You know who you are and I hope you know how much I value you and treasure you with all my heart!

Be Still

Well, Hope is on day 5 of high fevers which means we are on day 5 of laying low. I had big plans for our week...work, Small Group, church, Hope's 2nd triathlon, Disneyland, etc. And instead of all those really fun things, we've stayed home. We've watched movies, we've exhausted our piles of books, we've just hung out...for 5 days. If you know me well, you know I'm not very good at being still or staying home. I like to be on the go, to have full & busy days. And yet...here we are. I've tried hard this week to encourage her to relax, to watch movies, to rest. It's been a long week! So, while I had these grandiose plans of a fun and busy week, God had other plans for us. So here I am...trying to be still, trying to enjoy the down time, trying to enjoy just BEING with my kids rather than going and doing. Ugh!

Five Minute Friday: Glue

There's a really cheesy song that I love by a band called Sugarland. It's called "Stuck Like Glue". It has a catchy melody and is easily stuck in your head after hearing it.

There you go making my heart beat again,
Heart beat again,
Heart beat again
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won't you do it and do it one time?
There you go pulling me right back in,
Right back in,
Right back in
And I know-oo I'm never letting this go-ooo
I'm stuck on you
Whutooo whutooo
Stuck like glue
You and me baby we're stuck like glue
Whutooo whutooo
Stuck like glue
You and me baby we're stuck like glue

I guess what I love about this silly little song is it sums up how I feel about my sweet husband. There is no one else I'd rather be with, no one else I'd rather have by my side, no one else I'd rather be stuck to...like glue! I think I could spend all day every day with him and still not get sick of him. He is my better half, my common sense, my sounding board, the one my heart loves! Thanks to crazy work schedules we often go days without seeing each other but I find those days when we are together, I don't want to leave his side...I don't care what it is we do or need to get done, I'd rather do it together. He really is my better half and I am so thankful God chose him for me! 

New Bed!

Jaye and I both grew up wishing we had a loft bed...but no such luck for either of us. We've been talking about it for awhile and we decided that this year would be the year to get a loft bed for Hope. Hudson is getting bigger and is into EVERYTHING and we want Hope to have a space that is hers and that she can feel to create/dream in. So...today we built a really fun space for our sweet girl!

Prior to today, Hope had a cute picket fence bed that was given to me when I was in need of a bed. It's been such a cute bed and I love that she got to use it too!

Even Hudson tried to help today! He would climbed up top if we would've left him alone long enough!

We couldn't find a twin loft that was just right so we bought a full-size and then customized it by adding shelves up top and cutting 6" off the bottom. Love the way it turned out!

She loves her bed! She moved all her favorite books, toys and stuffed animals up there immediately!

Still not sure what else we'll add...definitely need to add curtains that will close it off so she can have a fort and need to find a smaller cozy chair to curl up in with a book! It will be a work in progress!

Five Minute Friday: Choose

(Every Friday for over a year, hundreds of people have joined a writing flash mob at Lisa-Jo Baker‘s blog site.  They write for five minutes flat all on the same prompt that she posts on her site at one minute past midnight EST every Friday.  No extreme editing or worrying about punctuation, grammar or font.  Unscripted, unedited, real.  I am going to do my best to be a part of the fun.)

CHOOSE...this is the story of my life now days. On most days I have about 60-90 minutes to get things done and most days it is a struggle to choose which things I will do. Do I choose to read my Bible or clean house? Do I choose to pack lunch and get ready for work or prep dinner for that night? Should I choose to shower and get ready for the day or play with Hope? All of the things listed above are important and ideally, they should all get done each day...but there's not enough baby-free time to do so. So each day I must choose what comes first.

To be honest, most days I probably don't choose the most important things. Unfortunately, playing with Hope usually gets pushed aside so the practical things get done....things like getting ready for work and packing lunch or prepping dinner. Am I proud of that? Absolutely not. Thankfully she's really good at playing by herself but it still stinks to miss out on that opportunity. So each day I must choose what gets my time and some days it is not the eternal things that get chosen, it's the mundane and very necessary things that need to get done.

Two is Better than One!

 I've been thinking lately about how thankful I am for these 2! Our world is crazy, busy and very messy most days, but sure is a lot of fun! I love watching these 2 together...whether it be screaming contests (not my favorite thing), sitting side by side in the cart at Target, snuggling up together, wrestling together, or laughing together...there is one thing that is undeniable...their deep love for each other! Watching them together makes me think, "and this is why we didn't just stop with one kid". I love watching them together! I love watching their relationship grow and watching them begin to play together now that Hudson can understand more and keep up with Hope! Some days our life is pretty crazy and I can't find time to get anything done but I wouldn't trade them for the world!

 I've caught myself smiling several times the past few weeks as I walk into Hope's room to one of her creative endeavors/schemes! This girl has the best imagination and is so creative! The pic above is from a tea party she was having with her friends...love how each one is dressed up for the occasion! Yesterday and today she's been working on cutting out tiny pieces of paper, coloring them, and then gluing

And then there's this munchkin...T R O U B L E! Not really, just too smart for his own good and so very curious! He loves anything that is cause and effect. He wants to figure out how they work and then manipulate it over and over to see it in motion. I'm pretty sure he says his own form of "eat, light, off, uh oh, and Mama". He knows that a monkey says "aaa aaa" and will sometimes growl/rumble like a lion. He is non-stop and always in motion. He crawls super fast and gets from point A to point B faster than you can blink it seems! He makes me laugh!

Five Minute Friday: Hero

The 1st person who comes to mind when I think of the word "hero" is my Dad. "Why is he your hero?", you might ask...there's many reasons, but here are a few:

1. He has poured into the lives of countless teens, adults, families, couples, kids, etc...as he has followed God's calling in ministry.
2. He has had unswerving faith in God's plan and has followed God's leading even when the road ahead made no sense and led to struggles and wandering in a very dry desert for a very long time.
3. I don't know anyone else who has a shepherd's heart like his. He is a natural shepherd and genuinely desires to guide and help others.
4. He loves my kids so well. From swimming in the pool every day of summer, countless piggy back rides and carrying to the car, to games of pretend and hide and go seek, to coloring, to sharing M&Ms and candy, to long walks, to tricycle rides...and these are all with my sweet Hope who adores her Grampy with all her heart! What a blessing it is so watch your kids grow and flourish as someone you hold so highly loves them so well!
5. My Dad is the one who took me to school and picked me up most days growing up. I loved our car rides together and our conversations about everything and anything.
6. He loves selflessly. For as long as I can remember my Dad has served our family. He has worked hard to provide, he's gotten the glasses of milk, made the snacks, and done whatever is needed to care for my Mom, my brother and I.
7. He epitomizes the word "perseverance".
8. Each night when I lived at home, my Dad would tuck me in bed & pray with me. Most nights he'd leave my room saying "Goodnight princess, I love you". I am my Daddy's girl and always will be.

My Dad has created an amazing legacy of faith for me and my family to follow. He has impacted the lives of more than I can count and has made an eternal difference in the world. He loves wholeheartedly, serves with everything he's got, and is just all around incredible! My Dad = My Hero!

Starting Over

Starting over really sucks!

 Today I started a 17 week training schedule to hopefully get me ready to run a 10k (6.2miles) on May 10th. Never would I have imagined I'd be starting from the beginning again when it comes to running. After so many years of hating it and thinking it impossible, I found strength I didn't know I had and determination that I hadn't seen in a really long time. I started from nothing and eventually worked my way to a respectable 1/2 marathon. At that point I figured I'd just keep running and that it'd be a part of life and I'd continue to run races and get awesome medals . . . not so much.

After my 1st 1/2 marathon (beginning of June) came the extreme heat of summer and along with that heat came getting pregnant with baby #2. I tried to keep up, I tried to keep going, but it was rough! I had races signed up/paid for through December and figured I'd run them like I had my 1st few races, not letting pregnancy keep me down. Well, training got harder/hotter and I ended up walking 1/2 of a 10k 80's race because it was too hot and there wasn't water and I was tired, then walking the whole Long Beach 1/2 marathon that October (longest 4 hours of my life), mostly walking a 5k Color Run in November, painfully run/walking another 10k Iron Girl in November, and then walk/running the Las Vegas 1/2 marathon in December. None of those races went as I had hoped and my training had become almost non-existent. Exercising was painful and not worth it at that point so I vowed I'd start back up after the baby was born and we signed up for 2 races to aim for.

Well, the 2 races of 2013 weren't pretty. I thought I'd be ready to walk/run (at a decent pace) the Disneyland 10k in September but due to starting too quickly and not being in shape, it was a really long race ( but still very fun). Next came our 2nd 80s run and Jaye and I agreed to push the kids in the stroller and just walk the entire thing. We started out walking but then I had a tired/crying baby so I ran/walked the 2nd half of it in an attempt to get done so I could feed the baby. It was disastrous.

Fast forward to today. Today I began a 17 week training schedule to work up to running a 10k on May 10th. I loved the location of our 2nd 80s run so I'd been looking for races down there. At the same time I discovered the 10k, Another Mother Runner (a great site for Mom runners) came up with a 10k challenge and training plan. So, here I go....wishing I had never stopped running after that 1st 1/2 and wishing I could keep a good pace and better intervals...but it is what it is and I am starting from zero. The goal is 3-4 days a week of running right after the kids get breakfast. It'll be good to get them outside and it'll be good for me to get my butt in gear.

So here's to starting over . . . 1 minute intervals at a time.

Five Minute Friday: Fight

(Every Friday for over a year, hundreds of people have joined a writing flash mob at Lisa-Jo Baker‘s blog site.  They write for five minutes flat all on the same prompt that she posts on her site at one minute past midnight EST every Friday.  No extreme editing or worrying about punctuation, grammar or font.  Unscripted, unedited, real.  I am going to do my best to be a part of the fun.)

I guess there are plenty of things to fight about, to fight for, to fight in general. Cancer is what comes to mind today as I think about "fight". Recently, someone who I went to college with came walking through the doors of the Emergency Department where I work. When I looked up why they were there, I had a hunch it was going to be a new diagnosis of leukemia. Certain signs/symptoms tend to be a precursor for that wretched disease. Sure enough, as the night drug on and test results came back, they were told what they feared...it was likely leukemia.

I see crappy things pretty often at work. I see hurt, pain, disease, injury, illness, and sometimes even death. Usually I do a pretty good job of keeping my distance, putting on my work face, and not getting involved...but this time it hit me at a heart level. I left that night with a heavy heart and I couldn't stop thinking about their sweet little guy. I made it a point to pray daily, to check in with them each day I was at work, and to just stay aware/informed of how their little guy was doing.

Each day there are parents across the world given the awful diagnosis of cancer for their precious children and every day that fight or flight reflex kicks in and they immediately begin the fight of their lives, looking for options, alternatives, cures, and most of all HOPE. Each day is a fight...a fight to comprehend, a fight to get the best for your kid, a fight to kick cancer's ass! (excuse my language)

So as I think about the word FIGHT, I pray for sweet Kicker and his family as they fight this stupid disease. Game on Cancer....Game on! 

Oceans

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine 

 

We sang this song in church today and the following part stood out to me...

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

 

If left to my own devices, I'm happy to stay put...to stay where I'm safe and things are familiar. I don't tend to venture too far from what I know. Only HE could take me deeper as surely my feet are not really going to wander far. I am hoping these words are true for me this year, that I will venture farther and trust deeper in my Savior.