Five Minute Friday: Leave

Leaving is hard. Leaving home. Leaving a job. Leaving friends. Leaving your hometown town. Leaving a loved one. Leaving dreams. Leaving plans. Leaving in general . . . it sucks.

Often times it seems that leaving means letting go of the familiar, leaving behind what is safe and known, and venturing into the unknown. Two particular instances of leaving come to mind when I think back. The first, a person. I had met an amazing man and we were several months into dating when I was scheduled to lead a team to Africa for 4 weeks. Up  until that trip, we spent time together several times each week, talked on the phone daily, and just couldn't get enough of each other. The day I left for that trip, I knew that he was the one I wanted to spend forever with. And so I left . . . leaving behind this man that I had come to love and venturing off into so many unknowns. We had no clue what we'd be doing, what it would be like where we were staying, etc. I had to leave behind the one who I felt so safe and secure with and dare to trust in God's timing and His plan as we ventured into this place of so many unknowns. It ended up being a hard trip for me, but still a good trip. I learned so much about God's faithfulness and His perfect plan and couldn't wait to bring home all that I had learned and experienced. On that trip, I decided that I never wanted to travel overseas without him again. Never wanted to leave him here while I went there. 9 years later, I still feel the same way!

The second, a job. It was a job that I loved, one that was definitely a God thing in how it came to be. I had come to love the people, the team, the location, almost everything about it . . . and yet I felt God calling me to leave. Pieces of the puzzle kept adding up and it was clear that my time there was done. Leaving that place, that job, was one of the hardest things I had done. When I gave my notice I wasn't really sure what I would do next but knew that God would provide. After taking that step of faith, after leaving that place I loved so much, God opened doors for the next place. He ushered me into a job that I now LOVE and where I am able to use the gifts and talents He has given me on a daily basis. I've met some of my favorite people at my current job and consider a few of them to be some of my dearest friends.

Leaving is hard. Leaving involves letting go of what is safe and familiar and choosing to trust that God is there, even when we have no clue what comes next. He may call us to leave one place and it may make no sense at all and may be the scariest thing we've ever done, but He promises to go with us. He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us.

Lockdown

Yesterday as I was waiting to pick up my daughter from school I heard over the loud-speaker, "teachers, we are now beginning our lock-down drill. Please follow protocol." What a crazy and sad world we live in that our kids now have lock-down drills in addition to fire drills and earthquake drills. I couldn't help but pray over my kid's school and their teachers/staff and pray protection over all of them.

When I asked my daughter about her day, she told me that had a drill where they had to get under a desk and then hide behind a chair to protect themselves. She told me that if someone bad came to their school they were supposed to close the curtains and hide. I hate that this is now a part of her world. When did our world become so topsy-turvy? When did people stop using coping skills and seeking help and instead turn to guns and violence and going after innocent people?

It would be so easy as a parent to pull her from school, to keep her at home & shelter her from all possible danger! I see the allure of home-schooling, of keeping her close and filtering all she is exposed to. (Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with home-schooling, I just know it is not the best option for our family.) I work in an Emergency Department for kids. I see too many crazy-sad stories to be ignorant. Kids get shot, kids get hurt thanks to poor choices from the grown-ups around them. They make poor choices themselves and are sometimes never the same after a simple crash on their bike or scooter. Some of these kids, they even die. In my 6 years in the ED, I think I've seen a little bit of everything.

It would be SO easy to live my life in fear and to not let my kids out of my sight. It would be so much easier to keep them with me, to trust no-one and to hover over their every move. But I can't. These amazing kids I have, they're not mine. They have been entrusted to me and to my husband. God has handed us these precious gifts, wrapped up in flesh and full of laughter. He has entrusted them to us. He has trusted us to guide them, to raise them, to teach them of His truth, to do the best we can to show them HIS love every single day.

With both of our kids, we chose to have them dedicated before they ever turned 1. By having them dedicated we were publicly telling those around us that we were committed to raising them in God's Word and to doing all we could to guide them in His truths. We gave them back to God as was done with Samuel in the Bible. We committed our children to God, to His care, to His plan, to His will for them. And we committed to walk with Christ as to set an example for them to follow.

As scary as this world can be and as much as I hate all the things she has to learn about "bad guys" and "danger" and "disaster",  I believe with all my heart that God is with her. I believe with all my heart that He is with her each day, that He goes before her and guides her every step. And so I choose to trust Him. I trust that He loves her even more than I can ever fathom and that He has big plans for her. And so each day, I send her through the gates and into school and I linger there just a little longer until I can see that she is off and running. And each day I eagerly wait to see her smiling face, to hear about her day, and to shower her with love and affirmation of what an incredible kid she is turning out to be! Go get em kid!

Five Minute Friday: Dare

I think sometimes it is a scary thing to dream, to plan, to envision what comes next. So many of us have been let down or have had dreams shattered or plans crushed in the past so we don't bother to dream big for fear of being disappointed. But if we aren't willing to think ahead, to dream of the best, or to really get excited for what could come next, we are left merely existing from day to day, living mundane and safe lives. When is the last time you DARED to live on the edge? DARED to let go of what is safe and comfortable?

But what would happen if we truly DARED to dream big, to live  big, to shoot for the moon?! I believe with all my heart that God has BIG plans for each of us, plans that surpass what we could even dream or imagine. He promises in His Word that He has "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". If we believe those things to be true and if we truly believe God will do what He promises, then we need to start dreaming, start believing, start DARING to give all we've got to what He may have in store for us.

As kids we tend to trust anyone and everyone, but especially our Dads. We climb up to the highest point we can find and then leap off with full confidence that he will catch us. My kids don't yet know the meaning of "impossible". They don't realize that people will let them down or that they may get hurt when trying new things. For my kids, the sky is the limit! They are DARING and BRAVE and they completely trust that we will catch them when they jump or that we will rescue them if they get stuck. I want to live like that, with full abandon and full confidence in my heavenly Father, knowing that HE will catch  me if I take a leap of faith and if that leap fails, He will rescue me from whatever I have gotten myself into.

I DARE YOU . . . trust Him. Dream big. Live life fully present and fully engaged. Step out in faith, even if it is scary and uncertain. He is faithful and His word is true . . . He's got big plans for you. Today I accept the dare. I choose to believe that God is good and that He has big plans for me. Ready or not, I'm ready to leap!

Blessings

I was texting (yes, we were texting instead of talking) with a dear friend last night and we were both "talking" about how our lives aren't at all what we thought they'd look like at the moment but in spite of all the chaos and craziness and uncertainty, life is still really good! 

On Thursday my hubby got a phone call from the Oncologist who did his surgery earlier in the week, asking him to come in for a new appointment the following day (instead of a week from then). We both wondered why the new appointment . . . was it because they got pathology results? Did they have bad news? Was it just because of our trip to the Emergency Dept on Wednesday? We had no clue. So we wondered and we prayed, unsure of what that appointment would hold. 

As my hubby soon found out, the appointment was to tell him his pathology results. The tests all came back negative! They were able to remove the melanoma from the one spot and none of the lymph nodes tested positive. Hubby is officially cancer free. We wouldn't wish the uncertainty of the past few weeks on anyone and yet, we wouldn't trade the experience and what it taught us and how it brought us together. How often we pray for things to go one way and they go the complete opposite! 

I feel like God speaks to me so often through music. Music hits the core of my being and the truth of certain lyrics resonate so deeply in my heart and mind. When Laura Story's song, Blessings, came out, I remember being dumb-founded as I listened the the words. "What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy. What if the trials of this life: the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?" We pray for things to go one way, we pray for God to bless us and our families, we pray for great days, for good jobs, for fun memories . . . and sometimes we get none of those things. But it is in those times of seeking, of asking, of praying, of crying, of shouting, of wondering if anyone really cares, when we find God and His incredible arms of love . . . just waiting to envelop us in His embrace and hold us close. So here's the rest of the song:

Blessings

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Five Minute Friday: Long

Long . . . this is a word that often accompanies my search for clothing. Another word synonymous with "long" is "tall". Welcome to the world of a tall girl! Maybe I didn't used to care or maybe I grew, or maybe I just didn't have any other options way back when, but LONG is necessity when it comes to buying pants, swimsuits and sometimes even shirts.

Whoever finally came up with the idea to make clothing in long lengths was brilliant! This 6'0" girl no longer has to wear high waters or layer tanks under shirts in an effort to be modest. I know this is really silly to write about but it is what came to mind. I am thankful for "long" and "tall" lengths! I know my short friends feel the same way when it comes to "short" and "petite" sizes. I'm so glad they make a little bit of everything for a little bit of everyone!

So here's to the tall girls, the girls who need the word "long" to be a part of their search for clothing! It's out there, just gotta find the right fit and the right store!

Grateful

Our family has had quite the week this week and it's only Thursday. On Tuesday my amazing and wonderful hubby had surgery to remove melanoma from his arm. As we waited and waited that day to get checked in, to be seen, to talk to the Dr., to go to surgery, to recover, to go home...we kept looking at each other and talking about how we were so grateful that Someone bigger than us was in charge of it all. We were grateful that we could place our nervousness, our fears, our uncertainty into the hands of the One who already knows the ending. Sure, we would have rather not been there at all, but it could have been worse. Surgery came and went and we were sent home with  my hubby rocking 3 scars more than before. 

Last night we ended up at the Emergency Dept. due to sudden swelling and redness...not where either of us wanted to be. But God is good in the midst of the unknown and we were once again left grateful for friends/coworkers who worked so hard to get us seen, for an on-call Dr. who sent his team to see us while standing in the parking lot waiting to be triaged, for a prescription and not ever needing to actually be a patient which meant no $100 co-pay, and for $5 prescriptions on-site, and for dinner together after a long day of not-eating. We could have been there for HOURS...there were 40+ patients waiting to be seen. We made it home and back in 4 hours (including picking up prescription, dinner, a quick stop at Target and lots of road work/traffic). 

Through both of our adventures this week, God has been faithful! (as He always is) We are so grateful God has placed my family nearby who has gone above and beyond this week to care for our kids so that I could be with my hubby. They have loved them deeply (as always) and have prayed faithfully through it all. We have SO very much to be grateful for! For my run today, I opted to listen to one of my favorite singers, Nichole Nordeman. She's not my typical pick for music to run to but I just felt like I needed to use my time for good. One of my favorite songs came on and yet again I was reminded of just how much we have to be grateful for. Sure, it'd be great to not have gone through any of this scary stuff but HE is good and HE is faithful and HE knows best. Here's the song: 

Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?

'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again

And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?

Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down

Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude

For lessons learned in how to thirst for You

How to bless the very sun that warms our face

If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread

Bless our bodies, keep our children fed

Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up and warm us through

Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs

Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time

Or maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude

A lesson learned to hunger after You

That a starry sky offers a better view

If no roof is overhead

And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between

Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace

Move our hearts to hear a single beat

Between alibis and enemies tonight

Or maybe not, not today

Peace might be another world away

And if that's the case

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude

For lessons learned in how to trust in You

That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream

In abundance or in need

And if You never grant us peace

But, Jesus, would You please

Five Minute Friday: Care

Each Wednesday I get to volunteer in my daughter's Kindergarten classroom. Some weeks I get to help at centers and help the kids with their papers they are working on and other weeks I make copies the whole time. The weeks where I get to help with centers, I love getting to interact with the kids and see what they are working on and then to help or encourage them with their assignments.

Almost every day in their class, at least 1 child will get moved up to purple on their behavior chart . . . purple means you had a great did, did all your work, listened, sat still, helped others, etc. If you get to purple, you get to pick from the treasure chest. This is a big deal to these kids. Most weeks when I help, the teacher will ask me at the end of the day (with all the kids listening) who I saw working hard. Whoever I say, usually gets moved up to purple and then gets to pick from the treasure chest.

I always try to look for the kids who may get overlooked or who are known to be trouble. Usually its the same few kids who are quiet, doing their work, etc. 2 weeks ago, one of the little girls (who has a very hard time sitting quietly and who often does messy work) whispered in my ear, "Sra. Howard, when the teacher asks who was working hard today and who did a good job, you tell her 'Mia did'. Okay?" I reminded her that I could only do that if she worked hard, did her best, and sat quietly. I sat with Mia that morning and helped her with her assignment...her letter "P" was messy, she didn't do her best, and she kept talking. I encouraged her to try again and do her best.

I didn't choose Mia that day. She wasn't working hard or trying her best. But I did make sure to encourage her, to spend that extra time with her, to let her know that I cared. My goal when I'm in the classroom helping is to let the kids know that I care, that they are special, that I notice their hard work or their pretty coloring. I try to walk around to each table and speak love and encouragement into these kids with a "nice work", "great job", "thank you for working quietly", etc. Each kid in that class needs to know that they matter, that someone cares for them, that someone notices what they are doing.

Sometimes I forget that my own kids, my spouse, my co-workers also need to know that I care, that they matter and that they are important to me. When is the last time I spoke truth and encouragement into their lives or did something small to show them I care?

Five Minute Friday: New

2 weeks ago I picked up my daughter from school and she quickly told me, "Today was the worst day ever! I don't want to go to school tomorrow!" This coming from my happy-go-lucky, school-loving kid was quite a surprise. As I asked questions and tried to figure out where it was coming from she told me she had forgotten a few of her sight words, she didn't get to pick from the treasure chest, and she had lost her hair bow. In her world, this sequence of events was catastrophic and got the best of her.

As we drove home from school that day we talked about the verse in the Bible about God's mercies being NEW every morning. I explained to her that just because today was a bad day, didn't mean tomorrow would be bad. Tomorrow is a NEW day! Tomorrow we get a chance to start over again, to start fresh, to do things differently. She wasn't convinced, but thankfully the next day she forgot about her horrible day and was ready for a NEW day!

How often in life do we do the same . . .we have a bad day, a bad week, a series of unfortunate and unforeseen events are thrown our way and we are convinced that nothing good will come of it, that life as we know it is over. And yet, God promises us that His mercies are NEW every morning. He was present in the disappointments of yesterday and promises us NEW chances tomorrow.

I'm so thankful for NEW mercies and NEW starts each day. God only knows how many times I've gotten disappointed, I've felt like a failure, I've faced things that I thought were the end of the world, I've thrown mercy and grace out the window. . . and somehow I get another chance tomorrow. Tomorrow is a NEW day! Regardless of what happened today, what didn't go my way, what scary news we received . . . tomorrow we get another chance!

So here's to NEW days, NEW beginnings, NEW mercies and second chances!