Week 3

Tomorrow ends week 3 of 1st grade.

It has been a long 3 weeks.

• I've sent at least 5 e-mails to this year's teacher & 2 to last year's.
• I spent 2 hours copying/collating/stapling & a whole 5 minutes in her class.
• I spent 2 hours trying to listen to administrators and teachers share as people all around me thought it'd be better to carry-on their own conversations than listen to those up front.
• I've carried a 2 year old to and from sister's school twice a day for 12 days now.
• I've spent too much time sitting at the table, trying to get homework done with sister while convincing brother not to add his own touches to said homework.
• I've prayed daily that my sweet girl would find joy in each day and then quizzed her on the good she found her in day.
• I've had to remind her daily that she really does want to go to school, that she likes school, that it is a fun place to go.
• I completely forgot about her swimming lessons last week until the next morning.
• I've managed to pack a well-rounded lunch for 12 days now, each day containing a different combination of the same 5 rotations of food. 
• I received a text from Grandma telling me that my daughter got moved down from green and said daughter told her, "My Mom is going to cut my arm off". (Grandma then had a talk with her about why we can't say things like that.) 
• I've had to endure more tears and drama than I can calmly handle. Girls are such drama and apparently 1st grade is exhausting!
• I thankfully remembered picture day. I remembered at the last minute to send a check and made sure to put her in a blue shirt instead of red this year. (oh the joys of uniforms)
• I've consumed way too many cups of coffee and glasses of Coke. (liquid energy anyone?!)
• I've had many people try to convince me the last few weeks that we should change her class, but I'm not convinced. (or maybe I just don't want to be "THAT Mom")
• I've had to daily commit my baby girl to her Maker & King, trusting that HE knows her best and then consciously choose to rest confidently in HIS love and plan for her life.

I'm sure there are many more stories and adventures that I've forgotten, but I am too tired to stay up and capture them. This Mama is tired and worn out and so is everyone else in the family. Who knew this new grade would be so much work!?

Five Minute Friday: Find

Most evenings, once my husband gets home from work, the kids head out to the playground in the backyard while I start to get dinner ready. Usually my daughter is out swinging and my little guy is right below the kitchen window, playing in the water. However, on Wednesday evening, before my husband or I got out to the backyard, my daughter discovered a pair of roller-skates in our garage. They were hand-me-downs she had gotten from her cousin awhile ago but had forgotten about them. I walked into the garage to her putting the skates on her bare-feet (they are the kind that go over your tennis shoes). I told her that now was not the time to roller skate and that she'd need Mommy or Daddy to be out there with her, helping her. 

I work in a pediatric emergency room and I can't tell you the number of kids I see who have fallen from their skates and have a broken arm or wrist. I explained to my daughter that in order to roller-skate, she'd need to have shoes & socks on and she'd have to wear a helmet. I explained to her how it is very easy to get hurt on skates and told her that I'd like her to wait until another day when we could be there with her, to catch her in case she falls. She didn't like my answer. 

She stormed in the house & shut the door to her room. A few minutes later, she came out with her tiny backpack on and told me she was running away. I told her, "be safe and just don't leave the yard". About 20 minutes later dinner was done so I headed to the backyard to round up the kids. I quickly found our son at the water table but when I went out to the playground, my daughter wasn't there. I figured she'd have climbed up the top of the playground and set up camp up there. She wasn't out there. She wasn't on the side-yard, she wasn't hiding in the slide or in our little playhouse. I walked to the other side of the house where the gate was open just slightly. 

My heart begin to beat faster and I couldn't believe I hadn't heard the gate. (Our gate makes an awful noise as it opens as it scrapes the ground.) Just before I got to the gate to look out, I notice her feet sticking out from behind the trashcans, right next to the gate. When I told her that I had found her, she told me all about how she ran away to the light-post (her boundary just up the street) and then once she got there she took out her picture book of our family and decided to come back. When I questioned her about that, she told me, "just kidding". 

I explained to my daughter how sad I would have been if she had truly run away. I tried to explain to her that she could have gotten hurt or kidnapped or attacked by a dog and that I would be so scared if I couldn't FIND her. She told me she was sad that she couldn't roller-skate but she was glad that I had found her. 

Sometimes in life it would be a lot easier to run away when we don't like what we've been given or we don't like the answer from our boss or spouse. But ultimately, we all want to be found. We want to know that we matter, that someone missed us. We want someone to FIND us and pull us out from our hiding, wrap us in their arms, and tell us that we are loved and valuable. Is there anyone in your life who needs to be found? Who needs to know they matter?

Five Minute Friday: Learn

Learn. Such an appropriate word as my oldest went back to school this week. It has been a week of learning for all of us. What are we learning?

I am learning to let go. To let go of control and trust that she will be okay each morning as she finds her way to her line amidst all the big kids.

She is learning to be brave. To let go of my hand and confidently make her way to that line.

I am learning to speak up. To voice my concerns to her teacher and to ask for a little help for my sweet girl and her friends as they adjust.

She is learning to be independent. To be away from her brother who has quickly become her best friend and favorite playmate.

I am learning to be present. To fully listen to her stories. To engage in play with little brother while sister is at school.

She is learning to work hard. To understand and speak more Spanish as she so desperately wants to communicate with her teacher as she is convinced her teacher speaks no English. ;)

I am learning to be disciplined. To run the dishwasher each morning. To wake up early to run or commit to exercise each day...even if it's hot. To find a few minutes to journal and be in the Word.

She is learning to focus on the task at hand. To sit down and get her homework done so she can play. To get herself ready in the mornings. To remember her backpack and necessary things to get out the door.

We are all learning a lot and it has been a big week full of adjusting to a new routine & rhythm. The learning curve won't stop just because the 1st week is over. We will continue to learn to balance life and to find a new way of doing our days. After all, isn't life a constant learning process?!

First Grade

Today begins yet another chapter for our family. My sweet girl starts 1st grade today. Today is her first full-day at school as last year was only 1/2 day. This year was just as hard as last year on this Mama...maybe even harder. It is such a scary/hard thing to entrust your baby to a complete stranger. To trust that this total stranger will love your child, will nurture your child, will embrace what makes them special, and to foster them and grow them into an amazing kid...trust is so hard!

So thankful Daddy got to go in to work late so he could go with us this morning!

As we walked with her on campus I was a bit overwhelmed the chaos. They created a fun environment of red-carpet, balloons, DJ, photo-booth, etc, but there were kids and parents EVERYWHERE! 

We found her teacher and said "hi" but her Spanish was hard to understand. It's so hard as a parent to remain un-biased and to not pass judgement based on 1st-appearances, 1st-meetings, etc. Thankfully, as we waited we got to see her Kinder teacher & give her a big hug...She was a welcomed sight for all of us!  Then we waited some more amongst the chaos and all the kids searching for their teachers and trying to figure out where to line up. Her teacher was the last to make it out to the blacktop so her class was the last bunch trying to squeeze in between the other classes who were already lined up.

But she took it like a champ. She held her head high and went for it. I think I was more nervous and anxious than she was. And so, we let her go once again. We watched her follow her teacher into her classroom and then we walked away. It took everything in me not to let the tears fall, but I reminded myself that ultimately, she isn't mine anyway. She belongs to her Creator, to the King of the Universe, to the one who knows her best and who has BIG plans for her. And so, as we walked away, I surrendered my precious gift once again.

I hope these next 6.5 hours go by quickly!!! I miss her already!!

Five Minute Friday: Here

Today is one of those days where I'd rather be anywhere but HERE.

The day started at 5:30am (the time my son thinks is an acceptable time to wake up) and I knew from the start that it was going to be a long day. It's been one of those days where I swear the kids have been out to make me crazy and get on my every last nerve. They've succeeded. I have been grouchy and tired all day and my attempts at resetting the day haven't worked.

It's been one of those days where I've felt tired and overwhelmed. I should have been cleaning my house as it looks like a tornado touched down. I should've done the dishes since they are piled high on the counter. I should've got more loads through the wash but I still have a mountain of clean clothes waiting to be folded and put away from the last time I decided to tackle the laundry. I should've done a lot of things today, but instead I just wished for a reset, to be taken away from this place, to find peace and quiet...to be anywhere but HERE.

I can't tell you how many times I've check Facebook, Instagram, and e-mail...all attempting to escape the HERE and now. Somehow, reading about other's days and lives lets me escape reality for a bit and pretend that life is not as crazy or hectic. It allows me to zone out for a few minutes and avoid being HERE. Not the greatest way to cope with crazy but sometimes it is so needed. After being followed EVERYWHERE and being whined at, nagged at, told "no", ignored, etc., anywhere but HERE sounds so amazing!

But HERE is where I am. HERE. In the middle of messy and chaotic. In the middle of two kids who are stir-crazy and bored. HERE. HERE in the midst of reality that isn't very pretty or fun on this particular day. But HERE is where HE has placed me and HERE is where I should be. Sometimes it is SO hard to be HERE, to be present in the day-to-day monotony and madness. And yet, even as I write this, I know my attitude needs changing. I know my heart needs to find joy in being HERE, with the amazing kids God has given me, in the house He has blessed us with (no matter how messy it may be), with the life HE has gifted me.

So, HERE I am.

How do you reset when you desperately want to escape being HERE?

Five Minute Friday: Hope

She's 6 years old and full of ideas. Her imagination soars and the sky is the limit. If she can think it, she can create it. There's no telling her that something won't work or is impossible...in her mind, anything is possible if you just believe! Her toothless smile reminds me that she is no longer a little girl, but is growing up. She's the one who made me a Mom; the one who stole my heart with just one glance when I saw her sweet face for the first time. Her heart is made of gold and she is beyond thoughtful most days. She loves her brother fiercely and will forever be his number 1 fan! She picks something she loves and goes all-in, cool or not. She's clever and can come up with just about anything if you give her some paper, tape, and scissors. She can talk a mile-a-minute and sometimes won't stop. She loves Jesus more than most grown-ups I know and really gets what it means to follow Him and love Him. She's got crazy tangled hair that she insists must grow to her waste...much to my dismay. She shows love through pictures and drawings that end up taped all over. She's cautious but daring at the same time. She remembers everything and doesn't miss the little things. She is the queen of sassy pants & bossy boots but thankfully wears them sparingly these days. She's testing her limits and pushing boundaries as she grows but that's how we all learn. She never says "no" to a request for a hug. She'll never be too big to come snuggle in my arms, content to just be together. She's the candy queen and would snack all day long if left to her own devices. She's part mermaid and part fish and can swim laps around anyone I know. She's my favorite girl and will always be my baby, no matter how big she gets.

Oh Lord, this sweet Hope of mine. Hold her and love her and grow her up in You. Fill her each day with strength and courage. Protect her and surround her with Your angels. Keep her focus on You and continue to stir within her a passion for the things You love. Help me to love her better and stronger. Help me to seek to understand and listen to her, even when I'm busy or have heard enough. Use her to do big things Jesus. Use her to influence others and change our world. You have gifted her to us and have entrusted us with her heart and life. Ultimately, she is Yours. We know You have big plans for her and we trust you with her future and her life. Thank you for blessing us with Hope.

Goodbye Kindergarten!

 Today we celebrated Kindergarten graduation!  I can so vividly remember back to last August when my heart was filled with anxiety and fear over my little girl going to Kindergarten. It was so scary to me to think about sending her to school and entrusting her to a complete and total stranger each day! But somehow, God gave me peace the night before and off she went. I dropped her off at that gate, gave her a kiss, and sent her on her way.

Fast forward 10 months and now I find myself sad to see her finish. We were blessed with such an incredible teacher for our girl this year! She loved her so well and really instilled within her a love of learning and school! People questioned why we'd put our daughter in a class where they speak Spanish and why we'd send her to the school that we did. We are so thankful for God's leading and for placing her in the PERFECT school/class for her! It was so fun to watch her grow and see her thrive from day to day, week to week, and month to month. God knew exactly what our girl needed!

Too bad you don't get to keep your Kindergarten teacher for ever! I told her teacher the other day that I wanted to take her with us for the next 12 years. She just laughed. Too bad I was totally serious! So next year we begin again. We will begin praying even now for her classmates and teacher and that God will yet again, orchestrate the best place for our girl as she moves on to 1st grade! (and now we'll also hope and pray that our little guy will get blessed with the same Kinder teacher 3 years from now!

Goodbye Kindergarten and Hello 1st Grade!

One of Those Days...

Today has been one of those days! My usually even-tempered and easy-going 2 year old was up at 6am and proceeded to throw his 1st real tantrum in the middle of Target....all because I told him it was time to go (after we had already spent a good 15 minutes in the Disney infinity aisle). If you were in Target this morning, I'm sure you heard him. He attempted to throw himself out of the cart repeatedly as I was trying to wheel to an out-of-the-way spot. Yep, my kid was THAT kid this morning. I managed to make it out of Target and then he decides to give a repeat performance as I am TRYING to get him into his carseat. It took all my might to get him to actually sit in the seat and then he screamed the WHOLE way home. 

Once home I got him distracted and relaxed and he fell asleep sitting up. He NEVER does that. Of course he fell asleep about 10 minutes before we had to head back out to pick up his sister. (Que the repeat performance of car-seat tantrum) We made it to school and back home, at lunch and then it all began again come nap-time. All I want is quiet and a few minutes to myself today...I usually work on Fridays and today I am off....I almost wish I wasn't. After full-blown screaming from his crib for a good 30 minutes, I think he is finally asleep and now I am completely exhausted.

 

 

 

So far, my 2 cups of coffee were nowhere near strong enough and my Friday has been WAY too long! Here's hoping yours has been WAY better than mine!!!

 

Never Underestimate Your Strength

On Friday night I came across a post on facebook looking for someone to purchase a race-bib for a 1/2 marathon on Sunday. Didn't think much of it. A few minutes later another post popped up saying that someone else also had a bib for sale due to an injury and how 2 friends should run it together. I hurried and sent them both a message to see if they were still available and then shot my hubby a text asking, "Want to run a 1/2 marathon on Sunday?"

My hubby replied with "lol. where?" Long story short, we bought the bibs. We got them for less than half what they had paid and quickly made plans for a babysitter for the kids and arranged a carpool with another couple who were also running the race. Saturday morning we ran the Bubble Run as a family, Saturday afternoon/evening I worked, and Sunday we raced.

Mind you, neither of us had trained to run 13.1 miles. We were individually getting in a run or two a week, maybe 2-4 miles at most. We did a 9 mile race back in early March and it nearly killed us. But...my husband is a great sport and agreed to go for it. We agreed prior to the race that we'd each run at our own pace and then meet at the finish line.

Race morning came, we got dressed and out the door to meet up with our friends. We got there quick and made it to the starting line with plenty of time. I already knew I wouldn't be running with my hubby and quickly learned that our friend were planning on running as much as they could and then would stop when tired. I run intervals. Right now I am at a pace where I run 2 minutes, walk a minute and then just repeat that for whatever distance I am going. Its what works for me.

I had texted with another friend who was at the race and initially she had said she'd do my intervals with me so we could run together. When I met her at the start, she had changed her mind. I knew what worked for me and I knew it was a much longer distance than I was prepared for so I set my mind/body to doing my 2:1 intervals from the beginning.

When running in a big race, everyone starts out strong. The crowd is exciting, its usually pretty cold out and you just feel invincible at the beginning. It is so tempting to go out full-speed, to run your heart out from the get-go. I get it. Stopping to walk 2 minutes into a race feels lame. It feels so weak and stupid. I ran about 5 minutes from the starting line just to gain some space and then settled into my intervals.

Surprisingly, the race was GREAT! I felt good! Sure, it was tiring but not at all as bad as I had anticipated. I stuck with my pace and ended up passing the pacers I started with and made it to the finish line ahead of our friends. Not that any of that mattered at all. I wasn't out there to set records but my goal was just to finish. I was hoping maybe I could make it in under 3 hours but I really had no idea what my time or pace would be as I hadn't trained.

There were a few times I walked through a run interval but for the most part, I felt strong. I finished well and I couldn't help but feel such an amazing sense of accomplishment at my race that morning. Most days I don't feel like a runner. I feel like an imposter, wearing the fun gear. But Sunday, I felt legit. I felt strong. I felt like I was finally back to the running world. Compared to most, I was still pretty slow, but I am so stinkin proud of my time and my race. I was so much stronger than I thought.

So often we underestimate our abilities, we short-change ourselves. It things like my race on Sunday that remind me that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for! God has created my body and has made me strong and able to accomplish so much more than I ever think possible! Sunday for me, was a reminder of just how much is possible if I can just set my mind on a goal and not give up. It is so easy to quit, to take shortcuts, to talk myself out of things. But I can do it. HE gives me the strength I  need for each day...whether it be running 13.1 miles or just keeping up with my kids...HE is with me and HE strengthens me.

Five Minute Friday: Hide

My kids love to hide. When they hear the garage door open each night, they immediately go find a place to hide and then wait for their Daddy to find them. My 6 year old has gotten pretty good hiding and staying quite, but my 2 year old...not so much! There is something so exciting in being found, in being discovered, in being sought after!

As grown ups, I think the hiding switches from physical to emotional. I know for me, it is sometimes easier to hide my frustration or hurt feelings than to risk being misunderstood or causing conflict. I am a go-with-the-flow/easy-going person 99% of the time. When that other 1% comes up, it feels so out of character and so scary to speak the truth and voice my opinion or concerns. Hiding feels safer. What if the person on the receiving end chooses not to find the real me? What if they don't really hear what I have to say or understand how I am feeling?

Not that hiding is necessarily the best thing to do, but it tends to be my go-to defense. But what if we surrounded ourselves with people who sought us out, who took the time to truly hear us and know us? What if we became that person to others? Are there people in your life who may be hiding and desperately long to be found?

Rather than be ashamed at an emotion or feeling and hide it, have the courage to let it be known. Have faith that the people you love, really do love and and care for you and want to know the real you, the you that God created you to be...opinions, feelings, and all!

Five Minute Friday: Tomorrow

I love TOMORROW! For procrastinators like me, tomorrow is a wonderful thing! Why do today what you can do tomorrow (or the next day, or the day after that)?! Okay, maybe procrastinating isn't the healthiest habit...

But seriously, I love TOMORROW! I love knowing that tomorrow is a new day. No matter how awful or crazy or hectic today was, tomorrow is a blank slate, a new beginning. "His mercies are new every morning"...tomorrow He'll have new mercies for me. Tomorrow, I can try again. Tomorrow I can make better choices and chose a better attitude. Tomorrow.

My kids are always asking me when we are going to do something... "When do I get to go to Grandma's? Is tomorrow a stay-home day? When is our vacation? When do I get to play a the park?" Sometimes all these big plans seem so far away. But tomorrow? Tomorrow is just one sleep away.

Tomorrow we get to try again. Tomorrow we can choose joy. Tomorrow we can choose gratitude. Tomorrow we can chose to be intentional. Tomorrow we can chose to love deeper and hold someone we love a little closer. Tomorrow we can plan our day a little better. Tomorrow we can chose to eat a little healthier or indulge a little less. Tomorrow we can chose to slow down and savor the moments. Tomorrow...

I love TOMORROW!

Five Minute Friday: Visit

When I think of "visit", I think of the people in my life who I consider to be some of my closest friends. I think of curling up on their couch with a hot cup of coffee and just catching up on life. Usually there are kids present, often running or calling out "Mom, Mommy, Mama", but it doesn't matter. These visits usually take place at one of our homes so we are able to sit and relax a bit because we know the kids are safe and there is plenty of toys and fun to be had. It is these visits with friends that are so life giving and soul satisfying...it is in those moments when I know I am loved and known.

Unfortunately, visits don't happen much around here. It seems there is always work to do, a kid to pick up/drop off, an errand to run, groceries to buy, etc. Life gets busy and those bucket-filling visits get pushed aside. Why is it that everything else seems to come first when in reality, it is the visits with friends, true friends, that give us the most energy, hope and life?!

I find myself often craving visits with my good friends. I find myself daydreaming about just sitting on their couch, hot coffee in my hand and just being present with each other. I miss catching up on life...sharing moments, stories, success & failures. I miss being known. I miss just venting or talking about nothing. I miss connecting. I can think of a handful of people right now that I would LOVE to sit and visit with.

It seems to me that as a Mom, especially one with little ones, visits are WAY too few and far between. What I wouldn't give to sit with one of my favorite friends and just be...be real, be honest, be known, be filled. 

Five Minute Friday: Open

Open hands. Open heart. Open mind.

If we want to be used, we must remain open.  Open to new adventures, new possibilities, to things unseen & unknown, to wherever HE may want to lead us.  It’s scary to truly be open to letting God take your life in whatever direction HE sees fit.  It means unclenching fists closed tightly, letting go of our own hopes, dreams and plans and letting go of ourselves to be able to truly lift up hands that are open in surrender.  Surrender of our own will and our own way, surrender of what is supposed to be or of how we thought things should have gone.

When we open our hands and say “use me”, open our hearts and say “lead me” and open our minds and say “teach me”, we are able to do things we never dreamed possible. When we are open to HIS plan for us we are able to endure what seemed too hard and too painful, and to conquer what once seemed so far out of reach. If we remain open to HIM, we allow HIM to mold us and shape us into something better than we ever could have dreamed.

What is God asking you to let go of or to loosen your grasp on in order to be able to hold up open hands of surrender?

A New Chapter

Monday begins a new chapter for our family. Monday is the first day of my husband’s new job. Monday is the first day of a new routine and rhythm to our days & weeks & months. Monday will be the 1^st day in almost a year that I won’t wake up to my husband by my side and spend the morning doing life together. He will be at work and I will be at home. I will be the one to get the kids up, get breakfast made, and get our oldest to school. Once we do drop off, it’ll just be my youngest and I at swimming lessons. It’ll just be the two of us on a morning walk. It’ll just be the two of us all morning until it’s time for pick up. After pick up it’ll then be the 3 of us. Let’s see how I do at getting homework done, lunch made for the kids, dinner packed for myself, getting ready for work and getting the little one down for nap. And then it’s off to work for me while Grandma hangs out with the kids. It’ll be back to coming home to a quiet house where everyone’s asleep as work and school will begin again in the morning.

I am going to miss him fiercely. I am going to miss being able to tag-team the mornings with him, getting everyone ready as a team. I am going to miss sipping coffee together and planning our days together.  When it comes time to run or walk each day, there will most definitely be a void. Running together has become my favorite thing and favorite part of my day and I am going to miss his company and companionship. It is an incredible thing to run in-sync with someone else…to match your steps and your pace and to just go. No worrying about being too fast or too slow, no worry about impressing the other or having to keep up, but just running and seeing where you end up.

I am going to miss coming home after a night at work and finding him awake and working on projects. I am going to miss talking about the day before we crawl into bed. I am going to miss hearing about his day, what the kids were up to, and how they spent their afternoons. I am going to miss coming home to someone waiting up for me.

I am going to miss the convenience of being able to run errands kid-free or of being able to just take one of the kids with me when we had something to go to. Having us both home gave us so much freedom to volunteer in our daughter’s class, attend meetings, appointments, etc.

I am so grateful beyond what I can express for the past year we have had together. I have fallen more in love with my husband as I have been able to spend time with him and watch him love our family so well. I have gotten to watch him create and design and even involve our kids in the process. I have seen his character and integrity shine and his servant’s heart grow as he has cared for us so deeply. I am so excited for my husband and the amazing opportunity that God has placed before him! I cannot wait to see how God will use him and grow him as he begins his new job . . . but man am I going to miss him!!! 

297 Days

As my husband recently calculated, it's been 297 since he was last employed. Who would've thought that it would be this long and that we'd wait for so many months. We certainly didn't. We knew God would provide a new job but we definitely expected it to happen a L O N G time ago!! But to be honest, I would't trade the past 297 days for anything.

Over the past 10 months I have fallen more in love with my husband than I knew was possible. Watching him love our kids so well and pour into their lives has been such a blessing to watch! Because of this time off, our kids now adore their Daddy and have such an amazing relationship with him! As a wife and a Mom, there is nothing more attractive than seeing the man you love, love your kids! How does that saying go? "I never knew how much I loved your Daddy until I saw how much he loved you." SO TRUE!

I'll admit, at first it was really hard having him around and home every day. It's not that I didn't enjoy his company, we just didn't know how to continue on with life with everyone home everyday. When he was working, I had my own routine/rhythm to each day and my own way of doing things. When we were all home together, we tended to just sit around with each other. Over time we found a new rhythm/routine and we figured out how to work together as a team, share responsibility, and really move in sync with each other.

One of my favorite things lately has been running together. We tried running together a year or so ago and it didn't go well. We didn't communicate about our expectations and ended up frustrated that the other was too fast or too slow, etc. But lately, we've figured it out and we've been able to run almost daily together. I'm sure I'm actually too slow for his liking but he has so graciously slowed to my speed and hasn't said a word. We've run short runs and long runs, straight out and back runs, and park runs, and even got in a race together. I am so going to miss his company when he is at work!

My hubby getting a new job is so bittersweet. I am so overjoyed for him and this new position where I know he will succeed and be such a valuable asset to his team. He is so full of talent and wisdom and I am sure they will love him from the start! As excited as I am, I'm also a little bit sad. I have come to appreciate my husband so much over the past 297 days and have come to love every second we get to do life together...there will definitely be a void when he returns to work. I know we will find a new normal and we will figure out a new routine again and I know that this is exactly where God wants us to be.

Life in this family is about to look very different and I find myself so thankful and grateful for this journey that we have been on. There have been some scary and emotional days over the past 10 months but God has shown Himself to be faithful each day and in every circumstance and the peace He has given us has been so wonderful! I am so grateful to have faith in Someone bigger and much much smarter than myself. We were able to rest in HIS promises and see Him fulfill so many of them in our lives as we've waited.

Thank you Lord for the waiting. For the lessons learned of walking with You and taking things one day at a time. You are so good to us and so faithful to Your children. Please don't ever let us forget the way you have carried us and blessed us over the past 10 months! We trust You and we are so excited to see what you have in store for us as this new chapter unfolds in our lives!  

#streakingwiththeCOOLKIDS

During the month of February my husband and I are going to attempt to run at least 1 mile EVERY day! It seems a bit daunting but I am so excited to conquer the miles together! Each day we we will run and each day we will pick someone to pray for and run our mile/miles for! Today is day 3 of 28 and we are dressed and ready to GO!!!

Five Minute Friday (on Monday): WAIT

Wait. I hate waiting! I hate waiting for Christmas, for birthdays, for payday, for rides . . . I just don't like to wait. And yet, waiting is exactly what we've been doing since May of last year. My hubby was let go from his job 9 months ago and we are still waiting for a new one. Some days I am able to trust and have faith that it'll all work out but other days I get so sick of the waiting that I just want to scream!

But during the waiting, that's when God seems to speak the loudest! It's during the waiting that I have felt His hand upon us, His love surrounding us, His peace reaching deep within my heart and soul. It is during this time of waiting that I have been so abundantly blessed with quality time with my husband. It has been during this season of waiting that we've been able to run together, to play together, to just sit and relax together. It's been while we wait that my kids have gotten amazing time with their Daddy, day after day.

As much as I've enjoyed having my husband home and with us everyday, we are hopeful that maybe this season of waiting will come to an end soon. God has so faithfully provided for us and cared for us and met our every need as we've waited but we are definitely curious and anxious to see what comes next for our family. As we've waited, God has been so good to us (as He always is). I am actually very thankful that we've had to WAIT for all these months. I wouldn't trade this season for anything and I will forever be thankful for what it's meant for our family and especially for the relationship my kids have built with my husband.

Thank you Lord for this season of WAITING. We eagerly anticipate what YOU have in store for us and trust that your timing is so perfect and so good!

3 Year Runiversary!

3 years ago today I ran my very first race. It feels like so long ago & so much has changed between then and now. It all started because I saw a 5k that raced through Disneyland at night. No really, that is why I started running. The thought of Disney at night just seemed so cool. I posted on Facebook that I wanted to sign up and asked if anyone wanted to do it with me. Most people dismissed it immediately because it wasn't cheap. (I now know that $99 for a 5k is absurd) One of my nurses at work said she'd run it with me and that's how it all began!

All my life I swore I hated running and was quick to tell everyone, "I don't run". I tried here and there. I was forced to do a bit of it in high school for basketball and PE class and I really did hate it. Running was not my thing. Everytime I'd try I'd find myself so tired and so out of breath and it just wasn't fun. I tried everything...in college I'd go to the track and try to run the straight-aways and walk the curves. I ran a whole mile once and that is only because my roommate at the time was talking to me about something and I didn't want our conversation to end. I thought I was going to die after that mile.

But someone told me about "Couch to 5k" and I found an app for my phone and decided to give it a try. I signed up for the race, joined a gym (with childcare), and purchased the app. I picked my 3 days a week and picked a time where I'd go to the gym. I was determined and focused and I just kept going. I quickly discovered that if I followed the app, it wasn't actually that bad. As my minutes of running increased and my minutes of walking decreased, I found myself so inspired and excited. I was achieving what I thought was impossible! I'll never forget the 1st time I ran for a whole 30 minutes on that treadmill...I felt invincible, like I could take on the world!

Our 1st race was awesome! I ran the whole 5k and LOVED getting to see behind the scenes of Disneyland! The race environment was SO fun and it was so easy to be excited when surrounded by so many other people. My 1st medal was super cheesy and our costumes were so simple but it was that first race, that feeling of accomplishment, that got me hooked!

After that race, I found another race, only this time a 10k instead of 5k. I found an upgrade to my app and started training but found that anything over 3 miles on the treadmill was pretty boring and unmotivating. I searched and searched and found a great deal on a BOB jogging stroller and so began our adventures of stroller running. My daughter was such a trooper and didn't ever complain about being stuck in the stroller. We used the time to listen to music and play Eye-Spy games. As I trained I hit a wall and had such a hard time completing the runs. I made up my own method, the landmark method. I'd pick a landmark ahead of me and set my focus on running to that landmark. Once I made it, I'd allow myself to walk to a chosen landmark. It seemed to work so that became my new method. Out with the app!

Our 10k proved to be long and hard but again, that feeling of accomplishment when crossing the finish line and the fun bling around my neck made it all worth it! Since I did the 10k I figured maybe I could do a 1/2. I was blessed with a new friend who became my running buddy and she'd drag me out there several days a week. She'd tell me our distance for the day and we'd set our run/walk timers and take off. I don't think I could have ever completed that 1/2 had I not had someone to run with and encourage me. She'd meet me early on the weekends to get in long runs and we'd stroller run during the week, stopping 1/2 way to let our kids play at the park.  God knew exactly what I needed.

In my 1st year of running I think I ran something close to 10 or 15 races. It was so much fun! Between that 1st year and now there have only been a few races and I haven't been anywhere close to the shape I was in back then...but I am making a come-back! In the past week something has finally clicked and I am actually looking forward to my runs and find myself focused and determined once out there, feet hitting the pavement.

Running has become quality time with my husband that past 6 months. With all of the craziness and uncertainty of life, it is a way to get outside and burn off some of the frustration and anxiety. It's one of the few times of quiet in our day. My amazing hubby has been so gracious and has let me take the lead as far as when to run/walk and I am so thankful for his company. (Plus, I enjoy the view since he's faster than I am!) I am so thankful for that race 3 years ago, for that night that was filled with adventure and determination!

Can't wait to see what races and adventures lie ahead!!!

Five Minute Friday: Share

With little ones at home, sharing is something we are constantly working on. Little brother wants whatever big sister has and if he doesn't get it, look out! But sometimes it's the other way around... there are times where big sister wants what brother has, be it snuggles with Mom, to be the one in the stroller, a snack, a hug, a toy, etc. Sharing is hard.

Sharing as adults can be hard too. Sharing feelings, sharing dreams, sharing money . . . it's hard stuff. Sometimes it is so much easier to keep things to yourself, to hide our dreams & feelings for fear of getting hurt. I am not good at sharing. I would rather keep to myself, build up a tall wall around my heart and avoid being vulnerable. But if I don't let others in, if I don't share a bit of who I am and what I am about, I miss out on being part of something greater than myself.

What is it God calling me to share? Maybe that lately I've felt so anxious about our future, my job, our finances (or lack there-of). Or maybe it's that I've been feeling pretty lonely and have been missing my friends who live far away. Why don't I share these things? I don't share these things because doing so may open the floodgates, doing so may leave me vulnerable, doing so makes me feel so weak and helpless. So often I stuff it all inside and then life, emotions, uncertainty...they all reach the point where they overwhelm me and leave me empty and paralyzed with fear. If instead, I would choose to SHARE with someone I love and trust, they could share the burden and whisper words of love, life, and encouragement where I need them most.

We were not created to do life alone. We were meant to share life...to share love, to share the ups and downs, the good and bad, the happy times and the sad. The Bible tells us that 2 is better than 1 or that a strand of 3 cords can not be easily broken. Nowhere does it say to be the lone ranger, to be strong on your own. It doesn't tell us that 1 is the best number.

Be brave today. Find someone to share life with. Find someone to share your heart with. Find someone who you can be real and honest with and then be open to their embrace and their words of wisdom and encouragement.

My Hubby Is A Trooper...Literally!

For Father's Day last year I signed the hubby and I up for the inagural Star Wars 10k race at Disneyland. My hubby loves all things Star Wars and Storm Troopers so I figured it would be fun and fitting for him to participate in it all! We had originally talked about going as Boba Fett & Han Solo but one of the great girls at Sparkle Athletic told us that if my hubby would wear his full Storm Trooper armor for the race, she'd pay for his bib. Hubby accepted the challenge and was excited and determined to do it. I love coming up with costumes for our races. I had to think of something that not everyone would be...I figured most girls would be Leia, R2 or an Ewok and I didn't want to look the same as everyone else. Not sure why, but I decided to be Luke Skywalker as an X-Wing Pilot. I dreamed it up and made it come alive and it was so fun! Here's some pics of our race:

My version of Luke Skywalker's X-Wing Pilot Costume

The finished product. This is my "flat runner", ready for the race!

In our corrals and ready to run. Started in the dark since the race started at 5:30am.

Entering into Disneyland.

Heading down Main Street.

Couldn't pass up a picture in front of Star Tours!

The lines for pictures with characters were SOOO long. We ad-libbed and did our own...from afar!

Running through CA Adventure.

He made all sorts of friends along the course...these Lego Troopers were pretty funny!

At the finish line.

The medals were AMAZING! I think it may be my  new favorite!

So proud of my hubby!!!

After our race came the Kids Races. This was little brother's 1st race!

He was so cute holding onto Daddy's hand while we waited.

There was no running involved for this little guy...just some very slow walking.

He loved his medal.

Had to stop by the Sparkle Athletic booth to say "thank you" in costume! They put a skirt on him and had him pose for pics!

I absolutely LOVE this picture!!! One of my favorites of the day!

Still Waiting

It's been 9 months now. 9 months of waiting and wondering what God has in store. 9 months of thinking "what if". 9 months of uncertainty. 9 months of having no clue what the future holds and what the future might look like. 9 months. It's a long time to feel like you are in limbo.

And yet I have been constantly reminded this week that someone WAY bigger than me has this all figured out already. HE already has a plan. HE already knows what comes next. HE already knows the answers to my "what if" questions. Isaiah 55 says "My ways are not your ways, my thoughts are not your thoughts... For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." This was one of those "duh" moments for me as I read these words this morning. 

My husband and I had just been talking less than 30 minutes before this about jobs and babysitters and what came next. Neither of us had answers and I left the conversation wondering an pondering what in the world life held for us and what things would look like a month from now. As I read those verses I felt a little stupid that I had lost sight of the fact that HE already knows. I can spend all day planning and dreaming and configuring my future, but it's pointless. HE already knows where and my hubby will get to work again or even IF my hubby will work in an office again. HE knows what position I will hold at work. HE knows what is best for our family. HE KNOWS. 

Sometimes we need a good kick in the butt. Someone to put us in our place and tell us to just RELAX and TRUST HIM. Consider my butt kicked. I choose today to trust HIS plan, HIS ways, HIS thoughts for me and for my family.

Five Minute Friday: Send

When I was 16 I went on my first short-term mission trip. I spent 2 weeks in Guatemala and fell head-over-heels in love with the people, the culture, the language, the everything! It was while I was on that trip that I felt the hand of God upon my life like no other time. It's like I felt him whisper to my inner-most being, "this is what I created you for". I left those 2 weeks knowing that I'd be back.

In Isaiah there's a verse that says, "Here am I. Lord SEND me." That verse has been my prayer before that trip and every since. Send me, Lord. Send me into this world you have created and use me to show your love to others. I use to think that in order for God to send me, it had to be overseas. While I would still love to end up overseas someday, God has had places to send me here, in the US.

Over the years, He has sent me a lot of different places. He has sent me to teach Sunday School, to snuggle sweet babies while their Mamas encountered Jesus, and to teach little ones that there is a God who loves them so very much. He has sent me to whisper words of hope and love to teenage girls who have no family and no home of their own. He has sent me to what seems like the ends of the earth: to Calcutta to sing over dying women, to Cambodia to play with orphans, to Kenya to build a building, and back to Guatemala time and time again to help others to see how God is at work around the globe.

Most recently, He has sent me to a children's hospital to work in the ED and provide support and distraction for families in crisis. He has sent me to that specific unit, during those specific hours, in that specific city . . . and so often I forget. I get caught up in the day-to-day, I get worn out and burnt out and I forget that it was HE who sent me there to be begin with. He has me right where He wants me and there is no better place to be. Now if I only I could remember that on a daily basis . . .

Five Minute Friday: Welcome

To truly feel WELCOME is to feel wanted, expected, anticipated even! The places where I feel most welcome are those places where I can just be me. No facades, no pretending, no having to present myself a certain way. Some of the most welcoming places I've been are those homes that are lived in and messy but always have a spot on the couch where I can sit, relax, and enjoy a cup of coffee. But it isn't always places that welcome us. Sometimes its people.

I'm not big on "vibes" but you can definitely tell when you walk into a new setting or new place whether or not you are welcome there. Have you ever met someone and immediately knew that they would be someone whom you would gladly welcome into your life and and they'd do the same for you? Those people who you feel that safety, that peace, that welcome...those are rare treasures that are few and far between.

The best place to be is in a welcoming setting with a friend who welcomes you to be you. One who welcomes you to share your heart, to explore your feelings, to cry, to laugh, to hope, to dream, to just let it all out. My heart longs for these places & people of welcome, the places & people that bring wholeness and healing and life. It is in these times of welcome that we are able to regroup, renew and refresh and in a sense, fill our buckets so we can then do the same and welcome others.