Five Minute Friday: Silence

Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed with noise? In my house the kids are usually playing 2 different devices with the sound turned up, the dog is barking, and the cars keep zooming by. On road-trips my husband and kids have a long playlist of music that they listen to over and over and over again. I love it at the beginning but then eventually I reach a point where I just need silence.

I am introvert through and through and for me, it is in the silence, in the being still and alone, that I recharge. With that being said, it is so hard to truly be silent. I have my phone to distract me, to keep me entertained. Staring at my phone may be temporary distraction but my brain isn't still. I'm still not listening or really resting.

I truly believe that it is in the silence that God speaks. I don't usually hear Him because I am not usually silent.

He Speaks

Last Friday, between 2 patients, I drove my van down to the  beach and sat for a bit. I try to make the long drive to San Clemente worthwhile by taking a few minutes for myself, soaking in the beauty of the ocean. Last week I made myself be still. I literally set a timer for 10 minutes and made myself do nothing other than look at the ocean. 10 minutes felt like FOREVER! Anyway, as I was sitting and watching the waves, I was caught up in watching how the waves would go back out, leaving behind a shadow on the sand as they receded back to the ocean. As I was watching I heard the verse "behold, I am making all things new".

I am not one to "hear" God. I don't know if I've ever clearly heard Him speak, but that day, I really felt like it was Him, speaking hope into my life. I've been at a place of wondering for the past few months and am trying to figure out what it is I want to do with my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love the career I am in, but the hours I work keep me from being home with my family. I have worked 2:30-11pm 3-4 days a week for 8 years now.

I have always loved having a job AND being a Mom. It's been a really good balance for me to get to do both. The last few months though I have realized that I am only getting to pick my kids up from school 1 day a week. My Mom is taking my daughter to the orthodontist each  month. My parents are taking my kids to Awanas. My husband is taking them to swim. For the first time really, my desire to be present with my kids is outweighing my desire to be at work.

And so I have spent hours dreaming, thinking and searching for what I want to do. I love what I do for work, but not the hours. At my place of employment there aren't any other part-time positions to move to. I've journaled and read and tried to really take time to feel what it is that my heart beats for. What do I love? What makes me come alive? What brings me joy? What would allow me to work but then still be available to pick up my kids and be a part of their daily lives.

Here's what I've come to: I love adventuring with my kids. I want to be the one picking them up from school most days. I want to see my husband daily. I love coaching 100 Mile Club. I want to be a part of a small group. I want to run 3 days a week. I'd love to swim again. I want to live within my means and spend/save money wisely. I want to be a good steward. I want to empower others. I want to take better care of our home. I love being at my daughter's school. I want to take families to Guatemala.

Yesterday I spent HOURS searching the internet for positions/options. I applied at 2 different junior colleges with the thought that I could take some early childhood classes in January in order to open up more options. As I searched and searched nothing came up that was a good fit. I've been saying for a few months now that I should send an e-mail to 2 different people, letting them know that I love what they are about and then let them know that should a position ever open up at their work, I'd love to be there.

Well, yesterday I actually sent a quick message to one of those people and quickly got a response saying I'd be a good fit and she'd keep me in mind as that same day she had a meeting with a corporate sponsor and they were talking about the need for more specialists! Yesterday evening I got another response from another thing I have been thinking about. . . asking me for more information. Um God, is that You?!

I am a very firm believer that God opens and closes doors and I am totally okay with that. Faith comes easy for me and its easy for me to believe that God will put me where He wants me...whether that means staying put and continuing where I am at or trying something new. He knows my heart. He knows my desires. He knows my needs. I feel like He is moving and it is exciting and a bit scary at the same time. But I trust Him. I trust that He is good and He has a plan for me. My job is to be open to how He is moving and to trust in His timing.

God, I'm listening. God I trust you. You are bigger than all my dreams and even all my fears. Whatever comes next, I trust you.

Five Minute Friday: Need

If you have kids, you know all too well the constant list of things they "need". My kids "need" the new Batbot Extreme. They "need" the new Minecraft books. They "need" some more Halloween candy. They "need" to watch the latest YouTube video. They "need" to go to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch. They "need" to do this, that, and the other. If you have kids, you get it. As many times as we have tried to explain the difference between "want" and "need", they continue to beg for the things they "need". It sometimes makes me crazy.

As much as my kids make me crazy with all of the things they "need", I wonder if God ever feels the same way about me?! God, I "need" a new job. God, I "need" a break from my kids. God, I "need" new clothes. God, I "need" more time with my spouse. God, I "need" a bigger house. God, I "need" a nicer backyard. God, I "need" a maid. I could go on and on with the list of things I think I "need" from God.

In His Word, He promises us that He'll meet our needs. Phil. 4:19 says:

" You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. " (The Message)

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

God knows what we really NEED. He also knows what we WANT. Yes, He really does care about our wants and is faithful to listen to our prayers, but ultimately, what really matters is that He meets our needs. I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, clothes on my back. My basic needs are met. If He can take care of the birds, the flowers, the whole entire earth . . . He can take care of me. I am learning to trust Him and His timing for all those things I think I "need" but really are more of "wants". He loves me. He is for me. He knows me. He made me. He will meet my needs and I should be thankful and content.