Thursday

It's Thursday. Again.

I have a love/hate relationship with Thursday. Thursday is my first real day off of the week. It is the only guaranteed day during the week that I don't have work. Thursday arrives each week after working 2 late nights in a row. By the time my alarm goes off on Thursday mornings, I do not want to wake up. I want to hit snooze and go back to sleep, and I do usually . . . at least for 18 more minutes. (2 snooze cycles)

Eventually I drag myself out of bed because I know I have 2 kids who need to be fed, told to get dressed, and generally need to be nagged repeatedly before they are actually ready to leave. Why do 8 year-olds think it unnecessary to brush their hair and why does my 4 year old think pajamas are an acceptable choice for the day? Most days I leave myself for last, scurrying about to throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and find a hat to cover my crazy bedhead!  If I'm lucky I get a cup of coffee consumed and find myself wishing for a second. Many days my coffee gets forgotten. So sad!

After we drop off big sister we usually end up returning home where I can barely keep my eyes open for most of the morning and my littlest consumes way too much candy and YouTube. I don't love it, but some Thursdays it allows me to close my eyes just for a few minutes. Lately, my Thursdays are filled with more lesson-planning for the class I'm teaching. Every Thursday around 1:30 I gather up my 100 Mile Club cards, get them put away and sorted and then prepare for our run after school.

After I pick up my daughter from school I run 100 Mile Club from 2:45-4pm. I love being a 100 MC coach and I love getting to cheer the kids on and invest in their school in this way. By the way, an hour and 15 minutes goes by really slow when you are counting laps! By the time we wrap up at the school and get home it's close to 4:45, hubby is due home by 5 and dinner has yet to be thought about.

Eventually we get everyone fed and I push for an early bedtime so I can hang out with my hubby for the first time since Monday. We usually watch a show and I inevitably fall asleep 1/2 way through (usually around 8:30). Yep, I'm a real party-animal! The hubby nudges me and I sleepily shuffle my way to our room to brush  my teeth and collapse in bed. Before hubby even makes it to bed I am sound asleep.

And there went my day "off".

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .

2018

"Don't let not knowing how it will end keep you from starting." -Bob Goff

Came across that quote yesterday and I love it! I have no idea what 2018 holds and honestly, I am totally okay with it. I don't know what my year holds but I do know who holds my year in the palm of His hand. I know the One who promises, "For I know that plans I have for you...plans for hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11). HE knows my heart. HE knows my desires. HE knows what's best for me and my family. I can trust Him. He is most worthy of my trust and I can rest in peace knowing that He already has it figured out long before I can even dream it or pursue it.

So for 2018 I choose to TRUST Him. I choose to BE STILL AND KNOW.

God at work

Have you ever had that feeling that God was up to something in your life? Ever felt like He was moving and stirring something in you and around you that you couldn't deny?

Over the past month or so, I have felt God moving. I had reached a point of discontent and began to pray for wisdom, direction, and guidance. I began asking God what He had in store for me, for my family, for my future. At first I just had a feeling that He was at work but then I began to see small glimpses of what it was He was doing. It amazes me how He works in so many pieces of the puzzle of our lives all at the same time, like a ripple effect. One answer to prayer leads to stepping out in faith in another area and then all around me, it seems like He is moving and He is busy at work.

And so here I am. Waiting. Praying. Dreaming. Believing. Trusting. I don't know what the future holds for me, my family, or my extended family but I know that the God of the universe holds my future. What amazing assurance and security that brings...knowing that God has a plan, that He already knows what comes next and what life will look like.  He asks me to believe, to trust. And I do. My life is not my own really, it is HIS. He is my way-maker, my path-creator, my rock and my refuge.

He is good and He is for me. What more do I need to know?! And so I wait with eager anticipation. . . on Him and His timing and I trust that He knows best.

Five Minute Friday: Silence

Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed with noise? In my house the kids are usually playing 2 different devices with the sound turned up, the dog is barking, and the cars keep zooming by. On road-trips my husband and kids have a long playlist of music that they listen to over and over and over again. I love it at the beginning but then eventually I reach a point where I just need silence.

I am introvert through and through and for me, it is in the silence, in the being still and alone, that I recharge. With that being said, it is so hard to truly be silent. I have my phone to distract me, to keep me entertained. Staring at my phone may be temporary distraction but my brain isn't still. I'm still not listening or really resting.

I truly believe that it is in the silence that God speaks. I don't usually hear Him because I am not usually silent.

He Speaks

Last Friday, between 2 patients, I drove my van down to the  beach and sat for a bit. I try to make the long drive to San Clemente worthwhile by taking a few minutes for myself, soaking in the beauty of the ocean. Last week I made myself be still. I literally set a timer for 10 minutes and made myself do nothing other than look at the ocean. 10 minutes felt like FOREVER! Anyway, as I was sitting and watching the waves, I was caught up in watching how the waves would go back out, leaving behind a shadow on the sand as they receded back to the ocean. As I was watching I heard the verse "behold, I am making all things new".

I am not one to "hear" God. I don't know if I've ever clearly heard Him speak, but that day, I really felt like it was Him, speaking hope into my life. I've been at a place of wondering for the past few months and am trying to figure out what it is I want to do with my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love the career I am in, but the hours I work keep me from being home with my family. I have worked 2:30-11pm 3-4 days a week for 8 years now.

I have always loved having a job AND being a Mom. It's been a really good balance for me to get to do both. The last few months though I have realized that I am only getting to pick my kids up from school 1 day a week. My Mom is taking my daughter to the orthodontist each  month. My parents are taking my kids to Awanas. My husband is taking them to swim. For the first time really, my desire to be present with my kids is outweighing my desire to be at work.

And so I have spent hours dreaming, thinking and searching for what I want to do. I love what I do for work, but not the hours. At my place of employment there aren't any other part-time positions to move to. I've journaled and read and tried to really take time to feel what it is that my heart beats for. What do I love? What makes me come alive? What brings me joy? What would allow me to work but then still be available to pick up my kids and be a part of their daily lives.

Here's what I've come to: I love adventuring with my kids. I want to be the one picking them up from school most days. I want to see my husband daily. I love coaching 100 Mile Club. I want to be a part of a small group. I want to run 3 days a week. I'd love to swim again. I want to live within my means and spend/save money wisely. I want to be a good steward. I want to empower others. I want to take better care of our home. I love being at my daughter's school. I want to take families to Guatemala.

Yesterday I spent HOURS searching the internet for positions/options. I applied at 2 different junior colleges with the thought that I could take some early childhood classes in January in order to open up more options. As I searched and searched nothing came up that was a good fit. I've been saying for a few months now that I should send an e-mail to 2 different people, letting them know that I love what they are about and then let them know that should a position ever open up at their work, I'd love to be there.

Well, yesterday I actually sent a quick message to one of those people and quickly got a response saying I'd be a good fit and she'd keep me in mind as that same day she had a meeting with a corporate sponsor and they were talking about the need for more specialists! Yesterday evening I got another response from another thing I have been thinking about. . . asking me for more information. Um God, is that You?!

I am a very firm believer that God opens and closes doors and I am totally okay with that. Faith comes easy for me and its easy for me to believe that God will put me where He wants me...whether that means staying put and continuing where I am at or trying something new. He knows my heart. He knows my desires. He knows my needs. I feel like He is moving and it is exciting and a bit scary at the same time. But I trust Him. I trust that He is good and He has a plan for me. My job is to be open to how He is moving and to trust in His timing.

God, I'm listening. God I trust you. You are bigger than all my dreams and even all my fears. Whatever comes next, I trust you.

Five Minute Friday: Need

If you have kids, you know all too well the constant list of things they "need". My kids "need" the new Batbot Extreme. They "need" the new Minecraft books. They "need" some more Halloween candy. They "need" to watch the latest YouTube video. They "need" to go to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch. They "need" to do this, that, and the other. If you have kids, you get it. As many times as we have tried to explain the difference between "want" and "need", they continue to beg for the things they "need". It sometimes makes me crazy.

As much as my kids make me crazy with all of the things they "need", I wonder if God ever feels the same way about me?! God, I "need" a new job. God, I "need" a break from my kids. God, I "need" new clothes. God, I "need" more time with my spouse. God, I "need" a bigger house. God, I "need" a nicer backyard. God, I "need" a maid. I could go on and on with the list of things I think I "need" from God.

In His Word, He promises us that He'll meet our needs. Phil. 4:19 says:

" You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. " (The Message)

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

God knows what we really NEED. He also knows what we WANT. Yes, He really does care about our wants and is faithful to listen to our prayers, but ultimately, what really matters is that He meets our needs. I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, clothes on my back. My basic needs are met. If He can take care of the birds, the flowers, the whole entire earth . . . He can take care of me. I am learning to trust Him and His timing for all those things I think I "need" but really are more of "wants". He loves me. He is for me. He knows me. He made me. He will meet my needs and I should be thankful and content.

Five Minute Friday: Invite

When I was in Jr. High my school was preschool through 8th grade. When we'd get out of class we'd have to walk by the preschool playground on the way to our next period class. There was one little girl out there who shared my name (which is SO not common) and somehow we became friends through the fence. We'd wave and say "Hi" to each other as I'd walk past. One day as I was walking past she was talking to her little preschool friends and I heard her say, "You're not my friend anymore. I'm not going to invite you to my birthday party." 

Do you remember how important it was to get invites to birthday parties? My kids are 4 and 8 and they get SO excited when they receive an invite to a friend's birthday party, pool party, Halloween party, etc. For them, getting that invite means they have been noticed and chosen. They are important enough to that friend or classmate that they got the invite, they have been invited to be included. They've also been on the other side of things though where they were not one of the lucky few to receive an invite to a classmate's birthday party. Those drives home are tough. We've had countless conversations about how important it is to include others, to make them feel loved, to invite them to join in their game or activity, club, party, etc. 

Now as a grown-up, the invites are few and far between. Most days I am totally okay with that as the introvert in me does not love parties and big groups, but there are still those days where I revert back to those same feelings my kids feel of being left out, forgotten, excluded. There aren't many official invites or parties as an adult, but thanks to social media we are privy to knowing every little thing our friends are engaging in or doing. 

It may not be a party, but maybe it was coffee with the girls or going to see a movie or a play-date at the park for your kids. When social media shows all the fun others are having it is easy to feel sad or left out at not being invited to a certain event, party, night out, etc. Its so easy to let jealousy invade our hearts when we see what we are missing out on. I am so guilty of this. I see my friends busy with their other friends or new friends and I find myself feeling disappointed and lonely and wishing I were invited to be a part of the group. 

Moral of the story? Be intentional about inviting others to be a part of your life. Invite people to coffee. Invite another family over for dinner. Invite a friend to join in your pedicure. Invite your kids to join you in running errands. Invite your spouse on a date. Invite the grandparents to the kid's activities. Invite those closest to you to truly know you and be involved in your minutes, your days, your weeks. We all long to be invited, to be thought of, to be included. 

When's the last time you extended an invitation to someone else? What have you done lately that causes others to feel invited in, loved, and cherished?