Endings

2 weeks ago I ended job #2. I said "goodbye" to my precious families and thanked each parent for welcoming me into their home and for trusting me with their sweet child. It was a job that I took because I needed a change and it happened to pay really well. I had no clue what I was doing but quickly came up with themes and ideas and did my best to create lasting memories for my families. It was definitely challenging at times to come up with new materials, to play for a child for an hour, to carry the session as most of my patients couldn't see, speak, hear, etc. I learned so much. That job taught me to value each moment. To love each kid. To treat each patient as if they were able-bodied and to show their parents that the life of their child mattered. I learned to slow down, to be intentional and to show love to these strong and mighty parents each week.

Now I have 2 weeks left of job #1. I've been there for 10 1/2 years and almost 9 of those years have been spent in the Emergency Department. It's bittersweet to think of leaving the place that has become like home; the place where I grew as a specialist and figured out how to really do my job and do it well. I have been blessed to work alongside of some of the most incredible nurses who are smart and strong and so very good at what they do. These ladies (and a few men too) save lives on the daily. They give everything they have to love and care for their patients and working with them has been such an amazing experience. My life is richer and I am stronger and better because of them!

Last night one of my favorite physicians was on and when I left I began to feel that bit of sadness creep up, knowing that we may never work together again. How does one begin to say "thank you" to the nurses and doctors who I worked alongside the last 9 years? Do I leave a card? Do I bring a treat? How do you let them know just how appreciate they are?!?!

I suck at "goodbye". I much prefer to just sneak away and not have to deal with the emotions and feeling that are associated with last days and goodbyes. A whole chapter of my life has been spent at that place. I started their mid grad-school and now 10.5 years later have 2 kids and am now teaching others how to be specialists. It's crazy how time flies!

1/2 Way

Tomorrow is week 8 of teaching. Tomorrow I will be officially 1/2 way through teaching my first class/semester of grad-school. When I started I really wasn't sure what I was going to think, but I liked the idea of trying something new. Well, turns out I really love it! I have an incredible group of 11 ladies who are excited and passionate about becoming a Child Life Specialist and they are a joy to teach! It's 1am and I just finished putting together my 1st midterm and I'm almost finished with  tomorrow night's lesson/power point (I think).

I've been trying to get my lesson/lecture done by the time Tuesday comes so I can focus my efforts/energy on going for a run and playing with my little guy...otherwise he watches WAY too much YouTube while I lesson prep/plan. I still have a bit more to do for tomorrow, but not much. And besides, he has 4 new lego cars to build and another fun Christmas gift needing to be painted.

It started raining an hour or two ago and it's been kinda relaxing to listen to the steady falling rain as i've been prepping. I saw 4 patients this morning and then picked the kids up and went straight to their swim lessons. On the way home from swim I was overwhelmed with the business of life and all that needs to get done, but this rain has been calming and quieting. I am thankful. I don't know when I last stayed up til 1am, or even past 11:45pm, but I am choosing to be grateful for a quiet house. I am grateful for the rain. I am grateful for the ability to read, the knowledge of how to make a Google Slides presentation and find relevant videos on YouTube.

I forget all too often to be grateful and thankful for all of the blessings in my life. I let stress and anxiety get the best of me and I'm left feeling empty and overwhelmed. But HE KNOWS. He knows my days. He knows my future. He is FOR me. He has brought me this far and He won't abandon me now!

Nobody reads this anymore and I love that. I love that I have a space of my own to jot down a few thoughts and process a bit before moving on.

Toast

The craziness of life is finally catching up with me and I am TOAST!

It's been 6 weeks of working 3 jobs, plus interviewing, and running 100 Mile Club. I knew it was going to be busy but man, it is kicking my butt! I made myself a TO-DO list today and I feel like I worked on something all day and still got very little done. I've been gone every day this week and my house is proof. The clean laundry has been sitting in mountains on my couch for 2+ weeks now, the dishes piled high, the dirty laundry mountain is as tall as my youngest and everything is a disaster!

Do you ever get to the point where you look around and realize your house/environment matches the state of your life? I am feeling it today. Mess everywhere! Nothing done. So much still to do.

Is it bedtime yet?!?!?

Thursday

It's Thursday. Again.

I have a love/hate relationship with Thursday. Thursday is my first real day off of the week. It is the only guaranteed day during the week that I don't have work. Thursday arrives each week after working 2 late nights in a row. By the time my alarm goes off on Thursday mornings, I do not want to wake up. I want to hit snooze and go back to sleep, and I do usually . . . at least for 18 more minutes. (2 snooze cycles)

Eventually I drag myself out of bed because I know I have 2 kids who need to be fed, told to get dressed, and generally need to be nagged repeatedly before they are actually ready to leave. Why do 8 year-olds think it unnecessary to brush their hair and why does my 4 year old think pajamas are an acceptable choice for the day? Most days I leave myself for last, scurrying about to throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and find a hat to cover my crazy bedhead!  If I'm lucky I get a cup of coffee consumed and find myself wishing for a second. Many days my coffee gets forgotten. So sad!

After we drop off big sister we usually end up returning home where I can barely keep my eyes open for most of the morning and my littlest consumes way too much candy and YouTube. I don't love it, but some Thursdays it allows me to close my eyes just for a few minutes. Lately, my Thursdays are filled with more lesson-planning for the class I'm teaching. Every Thursday around 1:30 I gather up my 100 Mile Club cards, get them put away and sorted and then prepare for our run after school.

After I pick up my daughter from school I run 100 Mile Club from 2:45-4pm. I love being a 100 MC coach and I love getting to cheer the kids on and invest in their school in this way. By the way, an hour and 15 minutes goes by really slow when you are counting laps! By the time we wrap up at the school and get home it's close to 4:45, hubby is due home by 5 and dinner has yet to be thought about.

Eventually we get everyone fed and I push for an early bedtime so I can hang out with my hubby for the first time since Monday. We usually watch a show and I inevitably fall asleep 1/2 way through (usually around 8:30). Yep, I'm a real party-animal! The hubby nudges me and I sleepily shuffle my way to our room to brush  my teeth and collapse in bed. Before hubby even makes it to bed I am sound asleep.

And there went my day "off".

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .

2018

"Don't let not knowing how it will end keep you from starting." -Bob Goff

Came across that quote yesterday and I love it! I have no idea what 2018 holds and honestly, I am totally okay with it. I don't know what my year holds but I do know who holds my year in the palm of His hand. I know the One who promises, "For I know that plans I have for you...plans for hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11). HE knows my heart. HE knows my desires. HE knows what's best for me and my family. I can trust Him. He is most worthy of my trust and I can rest in peace knowing that He already has it figured out long before I can even dream it or pursue it.

So for 2018 I choose to TRUST Him. I choose to BE STILL AND KNOW.

God at work

Have you ever had that feeling that God was up to something in your life? Ever felt like He was moving and stirring something in you and around you that you couldn't deny?

Over the past month or so, I have felt God moving. I had reached a point of discontent and began to pray for wisdom, direction, and guidance. I began asking God what He had in store for me, for my family, for my future. At first I just had a feeling that He was at work but then I began to see small glimpses of what it was He was doing. It amazes me how He works in so many pieces of the puzzle of our lives all at the same time, like a ripple effect. One answer to prayer leads to stepping out in faith in another area and then all around me, it seems like He is moving and He is busy at work.

And so here I am. Waiting. Praying. Dreaming. Believing. Trusting. I don't know what the future holds for me, my family, or my extended family but I know that the God of the universe holds my future. What amazing assurance and security that brings...knowing that God has a plan, that He already knows what comes next and what life will look like.  He asks me to believe, to trust. And I do. My life is not my own really, it is HIS. He is my way-maker, my path-creator, my rock and my refuge.

He is good and He is for me. What more do I need to know?! And so I wait with eager anticipation. . . on Him and His timing and I trust that He knows best.

Five Minute Friday: Silence

Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed with noise? In my house the kids are usually playing 2 different devices with the sound turned up, the dog is barking, and the cars keep zooming by. On road-trips my husband and kids have a long playlist of music that they listen to over and over and over again. I love it at the beginning but then eventually I reach a point where I just need silence.

I am introvert through and through and for me, it is in the silence, in the being still and alone, that I recharge. With that being said, it is so hard to truly be silent. I have my phone to distract me, to keep me entertained. Staring at my phone may be temporary distraction but my brain isn't still. I'm still not listening or really resting.

I truly believe that it is in the silence that God speaks. I don't usually hear Him because I am not usually silent.